Dad & Me Revisited ~ A Recap

Before continuing on I wanted to take a breather and say a few things..

For all of you that are just joining us I've been telling the tale of Daddy and me. What does that have to do with fostering or fostering to adopt? Nothing. But it is a part of my journey I wanted to share. There's actually a moral to the story and to be quite honest, I need the (free) therapy writing provides.

I double dog swear this started out as one or two posts and.. well.. in true bloggy fashion, has morphed into a saga. Here are the first four parts to get you up to speed:

Dad & Me Revisited

Dad & Me Revisited Part 2

Dad & Me Revisited Part 3

Dad & Me Revisited Part 4

Admittedly, I have been struggling with how to tell the next series of events. I want to be fair (but another part of me wants to throw a certain someone under the bus and expose them for all it's worth). I've spoken to family members, close friends and have prayed on just how much I want/need to tell. It's not cool to bash someone just for the sake of doing so (knowing full well they cannot defend themselves). I have no doubt at the end of the day, I would feel badly for lashing out. There are always several sides to a story (although mine is the correct version, right?).

;o)

Please bear in mind when all of this really started to go down, it was just weeks before The Son's senior year of high school. 17 is a selfish, know-it-all, self righteous age. It has been the one thing I have had to remind myself over and over (andoverandoverandover) again.

I believe one day years from now The Son look back with many regrets and poor decisions made will haunt him...

Dad & Me Revisited Part 4

With the help of my Uncle and Auntie, I became Dad's Power of Attorney. Finally, we could bust into his accounts and get a clearer picture of what all was going down financially. The nursing home was chomping at the bit.. for the year he had been there he owed them over $40,000 and obviously that amount grew daily. The bank account should of been relatively untouched (except for the automatic house and car payments) with several thousand sitting in there. His pension and social security had been direct deposited that whole time. I had hopes of writing the facility a check to knock that balance down a bit. So what was the account balance? -$400

I almost threw up.

On top of adding online bill pay to cover all their incidentals, She Devil and her husband helped themselves to Dad's ATM card. What happens when you withdraw more than what's really in there? Penalties. There were pages and pages of overdraft penalties.

Mind you, Dad had been with this financial institution for roughly 50 years. I won't name names so we'll just call them Mel's Cargo. In those five decades of banking, the account was pristine and he did not ever bounce a check. Not once. So how on God's green earth could over one year's worth of overdraft continue to go on without any red flags? It was thousands of dollars in penalties. Why wasn't some type of freeze put on the account for investigation? How about even a phone call?? Their answer: It was DAD'S responsibility to monitor his account. Um, hello? Dumped at a nursing home, can't talk, can't walk, hasn't gotten mail in over a year. How, prey tell, was he supposed to do that?

*Crickets*

They had no answer but still stood behind their policy.

Mel's Cargo & I went roundy-round. Undeterred, I still opened up a fraud investigation against She Devil and her hubby for elder abuse with the bank and the local police department. I poured over all the bills and paperwork and picked out everything that was not legit. The next few months was chock full of spending hours on hold, leaving messages that went unanswered and being bounced from one person to the next. Red tape galore. Still I held fast that justice would prevail. Why? Aside from the truth I had Dad's high school aged son on my team and he was going to help as a witness.

Or so I thought..

Perfect Moment Monday

My Perfect Moment has been several months in the making.. In spring I try to get into my gardens and rip (er.. gently, lovingly) and tear out all the old junk. Basically get it all cleaned up and ready for summer. Last spring, we were in the midst of life with Jack and Jill (our 4 1/2 year old placements) and clean up time came and went... I needed to give a full day to tend to the yard.. it didn't happen.

To my dismay, our front walk was overgrown and looked liked this..


And this...


The only big fans of my disaster were..


This past weekend the weather was amazing and Nantie, DH and I hit the yard work hard..


And VIOLA!!!!


MY PERFECT MOMENT!!!


Nantie said the only picture missing is me on Sunday.. curled up in the fetal position on the couch..

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

Shout Out Sunday

Yes, it's Saturday and I've posted this early. The SOS meme is new and I wanted to give ya'll enough time to put your posts together and spread some bloggy love. Once it has been out for a while I'll start posting it on Sunday morning. In the meantime, MckLinky will be open from Noon Saturday to 6am Monday (MST).

Here's how Shout Out Sunday works:

Choose a blog that has moved you. A daily must read. One you stalk. One that makes you laugh, cry or scream at the monitor. A new blog you would like to give exposure to. Someone you would like to introduce to your readers and send a warm fuzzy while you're at it.

Write your post, linking your chosen blog in it, grab and paste the button code below. When it's live, put the url in MckLinky (also below). Lets try to visit them and some leave some comments, m'kay?




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Blogs that receive a Sunday Shout Out will get the code for this button to put on the sidebar (if they so choose):


Now, for my shout out!

This week I would like to pay homage to the lovely Ms Christy from
Butterflies In The Carline. She is a Mommy of three beautiful daughters, a loving wife, an artist, photographer and a true supporter of friends old and new. She and her family appeared on Super Nanny and is a frequent commenter on Jo Frost's forum. She quietly goes about blogosphere holding others up and I am proud to call her my friend. Christy, you are salt and light and we all love you, girl!

Please surf on over and give Ms Christy some bloggy love.

Dad & Me Revisited Part 3

After finding out where Dad was living, the following weekend my Uncle and Auntie made the 2 hour drive to surprise him. It was a day of great joy and sadness. Heartbreaking to see a man once large and in charge unable to care for himself. In the year he had been dumped at the nursing home, one neighbor had come to visit. He had been outside and off the property once. They loaded him and his wheelchair up in the car, went out to eat and to Walmart. He really wanted a beer (had to settle for the root variety) and soaked up the fresh air and sunshine like a sponge.

He was in 7th Heaven.

The following month I visited. He knew I was coming but we showed a day early to surprise him. The three of us walked into his room (he was still in bed even though the nurses knew we were coming) and he was thrilled to see them. He nodded politely at me, not knowing who I was. It had been 20 years. I'll never ever forget the moment standing next to his bed when I said, "Hi Daddy, it's me.. Seesa.." (my childhood nickname). He grabbed my hands and rubbed them on his cheeks and cried.

We all cried. A lot.

I had grand plans of swooping in and saving the day. She Devil and her family were still living (more like squatting) in his home, completely leaching off of him. His monthly checks were direct deposited and somehow.. magically.. all the bills were being paid online. Mortgage, car payment, gas, electric, ALL their cell phones. Did I mention they got hold of his ATM card and helped themselves whatever cash was leftover? They had a nice little con going on (and a voiceless victim). I was about to put the kibosh on all that. And fast.

Dad's one wish was to have them prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. It's called Elder Abuse and that would be a felony. You can't dump a human being and steal everything right out from under them and get away Scot-free. Justice had to prevail, right?

Wrong. In a big way.

Shout Out Sunday Reminder!!

Please don't forget to be keeping your fav blogs in mind for this week's Sunday Shout Out! It will run from Saturday evening through Monday morning (I'll remember to keep MckLinky open longer this time, I swear!).

--->CLICK HERE<--- to get the lowdown..


I'll have sidebar buttons to give to your chosen blogs to let the world know they got your shout out.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming, er, blogging...

Dad & Me Revisited Part 2

.. But before I spoke to the county the next day...

I called my Uncle (Dad's brother) and Auntie that night to tell them the news. Although they had accepted The Wife and did their best to play nice, Dad still managed to fall out of their lives several years prior. After a big loan, as a matter of fact. Yes, he hurt us all in different ways but time and forgiveness had healed those wounds. We still held hope we would see him again and prayed he was ok.

Sadly, I found out his life had not stopped spiralling out of control.

Remember the little girl I mentioned in my previous post? The Wife's young daughter she had from a previous relationship that I felt sorry for? I've gotta say, as the story unfolded that sympathy went out like the wash. The poor little girl Dad raised as his own had turned into a She Devil.

No joke.

So, why was the county trying to track down someone who knew Dad? Come to find out, a year before he had suffered a stroke that rendered him paralyzed on one side and wheelchair bound. She Devil and her husband (who had moved into Dad's house with their kids before the stroke) took him from the hospital when he was released directly to the nursing home. They literally dumped him there like yesterday's trash never to be heard from again.

She Devil is an understatement.

The facility had his medical records but needed, you know, the incidentals .. like information for PAYMENT. Dad had been there for must over a year and they were unable to contact her (she couldn't seem to find time to return phone calls) and his unpaid tab at the nursing home was $40,000 and climbing. They were desperate. They needed information about his social security and pension and tap into it pronto or the county would become his power of attorney and liquidate.

Did I mention she and her family continued living in his home rent free the entire time?

Dad couldn't speak but was able to write with his bad hand. When the county asked him for names of family or friends to contact that he thought may assist him I have no doubt the list was very short. He scratched out my name. Last he heard I had moved to CO (but that was 1990).

And he waited.

My heart broke when I heard his story. My head spun. No matter what he had pulled in the past he didn't deserve that. He went from being a pompous, prideful man to one who couldn't even form words. All alone. I tried to look on the bright side. At least things couldn't get any worse, right?

Boy, was I wrong...

Dad & Me Revisited

Some of you may remember my dad and our little saga. For you who don't .. my senior year of high school he decided to pull a big, fat midlife crisis and took up with a gal in her late 20's (mind you, he was in his 60's). Mom tried really hard to keep the marriage together (counselling, etc) but to no avail.. their 30 year marriage was over.

Mama purchased a nice condo and lived well within her means. Dad (who was once just as much of a penny pincher as she) married the girlfriend and proceeded to spend every last dime (and then some). Their relationship was drug and alcohol fueled and spiralled madly out of control. In the midst of the hell he continued putting Mama through (constantly trying to take her back to court after the divorce) he wanted me to give The Wife a chance. I won't even repeat the words I used in my reply (but they went something like $$$%@%! $@@&% $&^#%@!! So on and so forth). He walked away from me and didn't look back.

We heard about them through the grapevine as time went by. Dad had a few heart attacks (it's no wonder-considering the life they led), lost their custom home to foreclosure and cars got repoed. She had a young daughter from a previous relationship and in the early 90's they had a son together. When I heard that I truly felt sorry for the kids. I couldn't even imagine their home life.

Before Mama passed away we heard that The Wife had died. She was still quite young (not even 40 yet) and we assumed it was cancer. Dad was nearing his 70's raising a 5 year old boy. So wrong. Years later I would find out that it wasn't cancer but chronic alcoholism that took her life. The booze killed her. I still can't fathom how much drinking it takes to have that happen.

Our lives marched on..

In the spring of 2007 (20 years after their nightmare began), I got a letter in the mail from a county in California. It read, "We are contacting you in hopes you may know (Insert Dad's Name Here) as we are attempting to find family members or friends. If you know him please contact immediately at ..."

The following day I called...

Perfect Moment Monday

Ahh, the dog days of ... Fall?

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

Full Circle's Shout Out Sunday Kickoff!

In the past I've tried to do shout outs for blogs I enjoy reading. Some are already quite popular with tons of readers and others are new, trying to find their voice. One of the cool parts of my bloggy journey has been the opportunity to lift others up along the way (as my mentors have done for me). Like the Hokey Pokey, my friends, that's what it's all about.

Inspired by True Femme's positive message and juju, I've decided to take this idea to the next level and create a meme. Here's how it's going to go down. Choose a blog that has moved you. A daily must read. One you stalk. One that makes you laugh, cry or scream at the monitor. A new one you would like to give exposure to. Someone you would like to introduce to your readers and send a warm fuzzy while you're at it.

Write your post, linking your chosen blog in it, grab and paste the button code below. When it's live, put the url in MckLinky (also below). Lets try to visit them and some leave some comments, m'kay?

Scroll down for my Sunday Shout Out!




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Now it's my turn..

My shout out is for lovely Lori from Weebles Wobblog. She is an adoptive mommy, loving wife, amazing writer and a gentle spirit. She has tons of followers and is adored by one and all. She has taken me under her wing and allowed me to cry on her virtual shoulder. To top it off, she's hysterically funny. Let's face it, she's the whole enchillada. Wicked smart and beautiful on the inside and out. If you are one of the few that haven't met Lori, please go over and give her a howdy do.

Thank you for being my friend. Girl, I look forward to our mojito.