Me + Crow = Eating It

That's right everyone. I'm officially going on record to say that I am eating crow. The dinner last night thrown by the county was just what we needed to get our perspective back. The reason why we chose this county in particular is because of their stellar reputation, the total commitment to the children and their genuine love for what they do. That is why we didn't go with our own county, which has a program in complete shambles.

Remember back when we first found out "J" was our newest worker? How excited we were because she had done our training and how much we liked her? Those memories came flooding back last night. She was as wonderful as ever. Maybe the time she got snarky with me for declining the placement was in part due to a bad day. It wasn't a cool thing to do but we all have crummy moments. I'm going to give her that because she really is a cool, down to earth, caring woman.

Overly sensitive? Moi?!

As for the slide show that I was all bent about? Had the coordinator said it was ALL about the children and not done a shout out for "pictures of everyone" we could of avoided me getting my nose all bent. It was absolutely beautiful and I bawled from beginning to end.

At our table, to DH's left were 2 workers that we chatted with all night. One was actually a lady that did the presentation of the two little sisters we got called on. In a room with well over 200 people, what are the odds of us sitting next to each other? Good, from the looks of it. She and I kept looking at each other like, "I know you!" until it clicked. I braced myself for some type of rebuke but got none. Both ladies were lovely.

DH and I were excited to see some familiar faces from our training back in January and hear of their progress. Only one family from our group (out of a bunch of us) has had a placement so far.. the rest of us are still waiting for the right match. What a relief, it's not just us.

SO, the Good Lord had us there for several reasons. To recharge our batteries, see old friends and slap me upside the head for being so paranoid. Most of all I believe it was to remind us we are part of something very special and to be P.A.T.I.E.N.T. (a four letter word in my vocabulary as you all know). Ah ha.

I'm off to prepare my crow.

The Big Soiree

The big "Thank You Dinner" being put on by the county is tonight. Yes, it's the schmancy partay with the slide show presentation that had no use for pictures of us. No need for the newbie-childless-folk.

I will be on my best behavior for several reasons:

1) Although I won't allow people in the system push us around, I don't want to do/say anything that will jeopardize our next placement call. Must.play.nice.

2) It's a cash bar.

3) We truly would like to meet people that are in our shoes and make some friends.

4) It's a cash bar.

I'm really not someone that is into confrontation or creating a ruckus. I'm one of those can't-we-all-just-get-along Pollyanna types. People who consider themselves large and in charge tend to read that as, "I'm a human doormat" and think they can walk all over me. They are sadly mistaking.

I'm sure it will be a lovely evening. It's at a beautiful hotel, the menu sounds delish, there will be live entertainment.. and oh yeah, a slide show. I know, get over it already, right?

I just need to stop the whining and look at the bright side. Hello? A night off from cooking and dishes and an elegant meal is really a treat in and of itself!

A Warm Fuzzy

Missy and I were chatting the other day and she said we needed to talk about my blog. Inwardly I cringed. When I started this internet journal for our future kiddos she was one of several family members that voiced concern about me putting everything "out there".

We don't discuss my life in the blogosphere much at all really. I can't blame them for worrying, the World Wide Web is a zany place chock full of weirdos. My people just love me .. there's nothing wrong with that.

So the "B" word was dropped and I held my breath. My mind began to spin. I never post personal stories or pictures without prior approval from my victims (er, subjects). What had I done??

Turning blue.. feeling dizzy..

She went on to say that she really enjoys it and it's one of her daily must reads. Exhale. True relief in more ways than one.

Just for that I'll keep on bloggin'. Thank you, Missy... your thumbs up means a lot!

Child Of My Heart

Oh my child, child of my heart.
There is so much to tell you, where shall I start?
I know you're out there, maybe even now.
I know that God will lead you to me, someway somehow.

I may never feel you kick or hear your heart beat for that first time.
But, from the moment that I hold you, there will be no doubt that you are mine.

Maybe even now, your birth mom is considering what to do.
I can only imagine what she is going through.
Maybe she is a child herself, with dreams yet to fulfill.
Maybe she is not ready for a little one, but I know she loves you still.
I know her heart must be breaking, and at night she cannot sleep.
I know if it were possible, it's you she'd want to keep.

On the other side, I am waiting here.
I can sense her love for you and also her fear.
I wish that I could tell her of all the sleepless nights,
of all the tests and procedures and the prayers that this time just maybe it would be right.

I could tell her of all the tears, of all the prayers I've had.
Of the times that I felt so lost, of all the times I've been sad.

I can offer a Mom to kiss away the hurt and tuck you in at night,
I can offer a Dad to teach you to play ball and how to fly a kite.
I can offer a home and a family complete with Aunts, Uncles,Cousins,Granny and Grandpa.
They are all waiting for you, and loving you from afar.

I will share my love with you each and every day.
I will tell you of the woman who loved you in every single way.

I will make sure that you know just the sacrifice she made.
And if you someday want to meet her,
I will never try to dissuade.

For without this special woman,
I would have never had the chance to love you.
My dream of being a Mom, would have never come true.

So, please if you are out there.
Please know I care.
I know what a sacrifice you are making and I would never judge you, that would be unfair.

I am praying for you even now and please know from the very start.
This child will always be a part of you and a child
of my heart.
© Vicki

Marineland & Other Tid Bitties

Kadi over at Womb At The Inn(Sane) tagged me. I'm to reveal to the blogosphere 6 things that are mostly unknown about me and tag 6 more friends..

Here we go:

1) I'm a cold weather kind of gal. Give me winter over scorching summer any day. Let's face it, a girl can layer and layer but can only strip down to so much before it's scary-wrong. Then someone takes a picture with a cell phone and you end up as one of those "priceless" emails that makes everyone want to lose their lunch. Sound like a recurring nightmare of mine?

2) My favorite movie of all time is, "Fools Rush In". I know deep, right? It's the first movie I saw Selma Hayek in and her accent sounded so much like Mama's side of the family it felt like home (and made me cry). Crazy you say? Come to find out, she's from Mom's home town (Coatzacoalcos). Hey, it's a totally adorable and funny movie, too!

3) I was a total jock growing up and awesome at most sports. How and when I morphed into a girly girl is really beyond me.

4) I moved to Colorado when I was 19.

5) My first car was a '68 Dodge Dart and it rocked (OH YES IT DID, BREN!)

6) My first and best job ever was at Marineland in my hometown of Palos Verdes. I was a Pearl Girl. We would shuck oysters that people chose, remove the pearl, price it then schlep the jewelry we sold to set it in. No, I don't eat oysters. *shiver* The park was closed in 1987.

The Pearl Girl circa 1986 (it took FOREVER to get my hair that straight)..

A Map:


&

A Kiss From Seymour:

Look at those cheeks!! AAK! Those were some great times. *Sigh*

I now tag:

Rubi from Off My Rocker
Amber at Crazy Bloggin' Canuck
Karla from Rollercoaster Road
Jane Down Under at Adopted Jane
Stella at Mountain Momma
Kim from What's That Smell?

Perfect Moment Monday

Jack.

My Perfect Moment this week is thanks to our jackalope. They are a rare species found only in the wilds of Wyoming, hunted by DH himself.

Okay, for all you PETA peeps, he's not real. BACK DOWN. He does, however, make for wonderful tales spun by DH that kids (and dense grownups) actually believe. I look at Jack and relish our goofy sense of humor.

He reminds me how much we love to laugh.

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

Juno

To maintain our certification, DH and I are required to individually perform 3 hours of training each month. We were given a list of recommend books to read, movies and TV shows to watch and web sites for online courses that can be taken. Once completed, we fill out a form provided by our worker and fax it to a supervisor.

This month we decided to give the movie "Juno" a whirl. It's a story about a teenage girl that gets pregnant and decides to put the baby up for adoption rather than abort. After hearing all the hype this little Indie film received last year, I was totally skeptical. I likened the rave reviews to "Little Miss Sunshine" which I was sorely disappointed with. If it hadn't been on our list of approved movies, we would of passed on it for sure.

Much to our surprise, it was a delightful film. We've actually watched it twice and enjoyed it both times. It's fresh, funny and smart. I must admit it deserved all the praise and awards it received (including the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay) and DH and I give it two thumbs way up.

Now I'm off to find me a hamburger phone...

The Unforgotten

I actually got a call from "J" today. She is the worker that got snarky with me when we decided to pass on our first placement call. My heart skipped a beat when I realized it was her, but alas, it was a false alarm. She wanted to touch base and let me know she's stepping down. Someone will have her position filled by the end of the month and will be in contact with us soon.

Uh huh.

She reassured me we are still on "the list" (no mention of a black one but ya'll know my theory) and they haven't forgotten about us (even though it's been a month and a half since someone has dialed us up... whups.. was that my out loud voice? No? PPhheww!). They so appreciate our patience and understanding..

Niiceee.

What are the odds in the midst of the transition we get lost in their shuffle? From the looks of things so far, it's a pretty good possibility. On the bright side, maybe the next worker won't have an axe to grind with us. That would be most excellent!

I'm going to put a contest together and have some fun with this. Why not, right? A "Guess the Call Date" kinda thing..

*STAY TUNED!!!*

Our Wild Life

Er.. I mean wildlife...

In the weee hours of Sunday morning I let the little doggies out to potty (not because I'm nice but because they were dancing on top of me, relentless in their pursuit of waking me up). My 3 darling min pins hit the door running and went OFF as soon as they got outside. Oops.. there was a load of elk out in the darkness of the yard.

Dagnabbit!

Barefoot and not dressed for the occasion, I attempted to herd the three stooges back into the house. Hissing several choice words, I might add. After wrangling them in I went back outside to check out the festivities (and holler at the elk to stop yanking branches off our trees ... all the while trying not to wake the 'hood.. as if that would do any good). Suddenly there was a high whining sound and the crash of antlers. Holy guacamole! I realized it was the big boys and it's that time of year. It's rutting season.

With my ever fantastic camera (cough cough) I captured nature as it unfolded before my very eyes...



Impressive, no?

Okay, so with the help of a photo editor I was able to get this much..



If you click on it to enlarge, stand back and squint both eyes you can make out the 2 large males in the middle of the picture. There is a glow from an eye, also. Can you see them? I wasn't going to get close.. those boys meant business!

So you have the opportunity to actually see some of our guests, the following are a couple of pictures I took last spring of teenagers in the backyard. Aren't they cool?



and



I'll take an elk encounter over a bear any day!!

What does this have to do with adoption? Nothing.. but it sure beats listening to me whine, right?

*You Are Welcome!*

;o)

A Big Shin Ding

In the system we are called a "Resource Family". The county is throwing a big annual shin ding (like 3 course meal at a very schmancy hotel) for us folk in a couple weeks. The invite said to rsvp, choose a meal (we had a choice of 3) and send some pictures for a slide show presentation.

Well alrighty then.

I satisfied all requests and the response back from the event coordinator was, "Great but.. we're looking for pictures of families with our kids.. I take it you are recently certified, then?"

To which I replied back, "You assume correctly.. we were certified in July and have not had a placement".

(What I wanted to say was, "DEFINE RECENTLY!!!")

grrr..

Although we are "adorable" (are we 5 or something??), they will not be using the pictures I submitted. Guess we're not really in the club after all.

So, DH and I will be there with bells on and totally feel out of place. Like going to a "Mommy & Me" class without a "Me". The reality is we're the outsiders to a group of outsiders in society. How many degrees of separation does that make?

Loads.

The bright side is we clean up well so what the heck? An elegant dinner and a night off of cooking and cleaning? You don't have to ask me twice!