Dinner, A 1 Year Anniversary & The Big Move

Dinner:
Last night our dinner with the family went well. I had shown the kids pictures of our family members while they were here and they proudly announced they knew DH and told him his first name as soon as we arrived.

What's that puddle on the floor? That would be DH.. he had melted. LOL.

We brought over pizza and had light conversation. We have not yet met birth mom (that meeting will take place at DSS somewhere down the line) but feel very good about establishing a relationship with the local family members. They are truly kind people that want the best for the kids and wish to be part of their lives. We will do everything in our power to make sure that happens.

After dinner, Jill proceeded to bring ALL her baby dolls out to the front room and then wanted to show DH her room. When they were done, Jack also wanted to show him the room (same one but the tour proceeded just the same). When I popped in the kids were laughing with DH and he and Jack were wrestling and playing on the bed.

There were tears and hugs as we departed. We're all going to ask the county if we can arrange to meet once a week all together once the kids are settled in. All they asked is that we take very good care of their babies and love them enough for all of us. If that doesn't make your heart break what will?

A 1 Year Anniversary:
One year ago this very day, DH and I began our two day training course with the county. To say it was intense is an understatement .. life changing would be much more accurate. When Nantie completed hers (which is now THREE days of training.. I can't even imagine!) she was thoroughly convinced EVERYONE should take it. Fostering, adopting or even just having kids of your own the courses taught were just plain awesome.

The ride home after the first training day, I held my breath not knowing where DH "was at" about the whole thing. We were spinning and exhausted. On tables throughout the room pictures of available children were placed and he had taken time to walk by them and read their stories. I finally couldn't take the suspense any longer and asked. His response, "I think we should fill the paperwork out tonight to get the process started.. and go for two siblings".

If I was sitting in a chair and not riding in the car, I would of fallen out of it. I was hoping for ONE and he wanted two? Seriously??! We spent the evening sipping Baileys and filling out the official paperwork. And so it began.

Fast Forward to today... later this morning the social workers will be moving the children over. My what a difference a year makes!

The Big Move:
In about an hour the kids will arrive with the social workers. DH and I are ready to receive them and Nantie is expected about an hour later. She will get to know them as we muddle through paperwork.

After that, we're flying by the seat of our pants..

Please keep the kids, their family and us in your prayers.

A Week In Review

Although it was a jam packed week, it still felt fairly uneventful. We had our group meeting on Tuesday night and it was great to be with everyone. No speaker again so it was just talking (venting) about daily happenings. It was a real mix.. one couple had just adopted, several are in the midst of court dealings and visitations with the bio families, one got a placement a week after certification, a fost/adopt couple just had their placement (of 10 months) return home and a handful of us were waiting for The Call. There was a wide range of emotions, for sure.

Nantie actually met our new Placement Worker ("E") during training and LOVED her. E called me this week to officially introduce herself and was really nice. I'm volunteering for the Family Share Night at the beginning of next month and look forward to meeting her there. Speaking of Nantie, she has one last day of training tomorrow (an extra day has been added since we did ours) and then she'll be done. It will be interesting to hear what all when down.

That's about it.. oh yeah.. except..

TGIF!!

Nantie Goes To Training

There is no possible way explain how eye opening the county's training course is. It was, hands down, one of my most intense experiences ever and two days that changed our lives. The instructors have been in the program for years, truly love the children and want what's best for them. They pull no punches, answer the really tough questions and make it perfectly clear: reunification is their goal. They lay it all out there with the intention of arming us with information to decide whether to sign on or walk away.

Nantie is actually getting 8 more hours of it than we did.

Friday was her first day of training and of course I called her at 5:02 PM to see how it went. She was exhausted (told ya so!) and echoed the overwhelming feelings she experienced throughout the day. Funny, they already knew her Nanny Auntie (Nantie) nickname. She assumed I made them aware of my blog.. I laughed and told her I had not. DOH!

As with us, that little perfect bubble world is forever popped. The effects that neglect and abuse have on the children at the hands of their families (or friends of the family) will forever haunt us. Her now, as well. She is inspired by what is possible and excited to be part of our journey (whether our placements return home or stay with us). We are so blessed she's moving in.

No doubt about it, Angels are watchin' over us.

3 Kids + 6 Hours = 0 Bloodshed

WooHoo.. Sweet Relief!



I must admit, I had visions of crazy dancing in my head last night. The downright worst Super Nanny episodes ever flashed across my mind's eye. Screaming, hitting, cursing.. Kids Gone Wild Versus Cowering Adults. Would that be us?

I'm pleased to report, we had none of it.

Don't get me wrong, our family room looks like the Tasmanian Devil spun through. I've got spaghetti embedded in places I don't even want to know about and I'm certain missing pen caps, crayon pieces and other miscellaneous objects will end up choking my vacuum later on. Other than that, it was smooth sailing and a fun time.

The girls helped with breakfast, remarkably capable of cracking eggs without getting shells in the mix (not bad for a 5, 7 and a 39 year old if I do say so myself). They sat at the table for both breakfast and lunch like angels (DH quizzed the girls on math.. they loved that) and we held nice conversations. We had the normal sibling quarrelling but nothing I couldn't handle that prompted me to run into the closet and hide.

While I did dishes DH sat with them through a few cartoons and they laughed when he called it, "SquareBobSpongePants". Silly newbie. He noted that kid shows sure aren't what they were back in our day..

The 2 year old was all boy and took a few headers and spills (there were no scrapes.. I pray there's no bruising). Do they ever STOP? No. Thank goodness he was tough as nails.

I asked J how many hours of respite were required and she said, "No, it's not hours it's TIMES.. you are supposed to do it 3 times." Do 3 kids count as 3 times? Of course not (hey, we couldn't help but ask). I think they suckered us by scheduling easy, darling kids the first go round to boost our flailing egos. Now that we think we've got this kid-thing figured out, they'll lower the boom with a wild child (or two or...).

One Respite Down .. Two To Go!

This Just In..

We're Officially Certifiable (er, certified!)

We got the call late last night and (after 7 months, 1 week and 4 days since this little odyssey began) we're in like Flynn. Our official certificates will be mailed today and now things will really start to get rolling.

Another round of workers will be getting in touch with us to clarify a few points of information and guiding us from here on out. One of which is gal that was our trainer .. that rocks because we really liked her. "J" has been a social worker for over 25 years, an advocate for children, has fostered and adopted, pulled no punches and told it like it was during training (much to the dismay of others). There was no sugar coating with that one and I think it will be to our benefit down the road.

Why does it feel like we're at the bottom of the tallest mountain ever, looking up? Because we are, I suppose..

Compassion.. Mama's Ongoing Project

One of Mama's many life lessons she wanted to instill in me was compassion:

A profound and positive human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering....

During a 2 day training course with the county we did a mock trial of a gal losing her child to the system to get a glimpse of what all goes on. It was based on a true case and was a real eye opener, to say the least. Each of our 4 tables was assigned a task. One was "Tonya" and her lawyers (played by our recruiter who could have won an award for her performance), we were the treatment team that gave the court recommendations of what we saw needed to happen before we would allow her to gain custody of her daughter (with the help of a real social worker because hey, we had no idea what we were doing), one table was the foster home and the other was the judge. Each table had one person speaking for them.

One of the goals of the exercise was to see the birth mom's side, as well. She begged and pleaded for her child back and had every excuse in the book for why she was unable to complete her requirements (no ride to the ua's, had gone to 18 interviews but no one would hire her, everyone was against her, etc). They were flimsy excuses at best and you know judges and social workers hear the same ones all day every day. She started out doing okay but as time went on, it slowly fell apart. Every 90 days when her review came up you could see her starting the slow spiral out of control. In the end, she cried as she relinquished her parental rights and both DH and I were in tears (as were most of the group in training that day). A true story and that plays out every day in courts across the nation.. just heartbreaking.

One aspect of this whole process we do have compassion for is, amazingly enough, the addicted birth parent. Prior to meeting, DH and I both were in a relationship with a person that had substance abuse problems. Have you heard someone say, ".. but they're totally great when they're clean and sober" and you roll your eyes? We actually lived it and, by golly, it's true. They both had children from a previous marriage and would have died for them. Neither had custody (for obvious reasons) and lived for the time they got to spend with their children. Unfortunately, their drug of choice was so beyond more powerful than them that, almost every time their kids were visiting, they would go off on a binge. It's just astounding what complete control the drug has and how it's a wrecking ball through everyones' lives. It's constant drama, to put it lightly.

Although kind of an odd thing to have in common (an ex as an addict), it is one of the many things that brought DH and I together. We both tried to "save someone" and found out the hard way it's impossible to do. We both relish in the calmness of being regular Joe Shmoe Homebodies as we've seen the wild side and have no interest in revisiting that side of the tracks. We did learn, however, that under the horrible and downright mean things an addict does, lies a person that would do anything to quit. They are not the monster but are totally controlled by one.

I remember in the midst of the crazy that was once my life crying out to God, "WHY?!?" and feeling utter hopelessness. Sitting at that table in training with tears in my eyes as "Tonya" begged for her kids back was an, "Ah Ha Moment!" when another of my life's little puzzle pieces fell into place. Compassion had kicked in and both DH and I got it. Had I known back then what I know now it would have made perfect sense. The 6 years of what seemed like endless drama was leading me to that table in the basement of a church for those 2 days of intense training. The Good Lord (and Mama) didn't want me looking down my nose from my high horse at the addicted parent who couldn't provide basic needs but to take pity and have compassion. That was "Why".

We will have to deal with a real "Tonya" sometime soon and I had better keep that shoe and other foot handy..