Full Circle Flashback ...

3 Years Ago Today:

Jack and Jill moved in...  Our beautiful 4 1/2 year old twins and first foster placements..

Oh my, what a ride that was.. seems like 100 years ago and yesterday..  No, we are not in contact but yes, I do happen by their neighborhood every now and again running errands.

And I still pray for their safety and well being.

1 Year Ago Today...

The twins went home... Here's the post. It feels like a thousand years ago and yesterday.

Weird.

Back then we were fairly certain the family would reach out and stay in touch with us (once the kiddos got settled back in). I think that glimmer of hope helped give our hearts peace.

Unfortunately, they did not.

It has been a tough week.. I miss Jack and Jill something fierce. Word through the grapevine had been they were doing well and that's all we can hope for. I am so grateful to the families of our other kiddos that have stayed in touch. It so helps in the healing.


Prayers for our beautiful twins.. that they are safe, smothered in love and happy. Today and always.

Update on Jack & Jill

I heard through the grapevine our twins are doing great. Obviously we can't be given specifics but I was told that Jack is still standing up for himself. Apparently Jill tried to cut in on a conversation he was having, he showed her the hand and told her he wasn't done yet.

That's our boy!!!

When they came to us, he didn't speak much (she was the jabber jaw and even interpreted for him). He was a little doormat. Over time he came into his own and it made me cry (happy tears) to hear some of the good stuff actually stuck!

Their memories of us have surely faded. He may not even remember his former, meek self.. but we all saw him transform. Him being a healthier, happier little boy because of the time spent with us made every minute of those 8 months worth it.

Even if it did mean having our hearts broken.

Jack & Jill ~ Inquiring Minds Want to Know..

I've had tons of emails and comments asking about our little twin darlings. For all the new readers, Jack and Jill were 4 1/2 year old twins placed with us in early 2009 that moved in August. They now live permanently with family members. Little Mannie started attending their preschool a week or so ago and the burning question is.. Have We Seen Them??!

The answer is YES!

Apparently they were all over Nantie like white on rice and had smiles that went on for miles. They hugged and kissed on her .. completely over the moon excited. They looked healthy (Jill is actually as tall as brother now!) and happy and that's really all we can ask for.

Prayers answered.

(P.S. And for the record .. Yes, I cried when I got the news.. sweet relief!)

7 Months 4 Days 7 Hours 5 Minutes..

...and then they were gone.

Our family room at 9am this morning:

Oh, and this..


Now?

May the Good Lord watch over and bless darling Jack and Jill and their family. May He keep them all safe and bless their lives always. Please give our family peace and strength as we move forward to whatever lies ahead. We thank Him for the privilege of knowing and loving His two little Angels.

Amen.

Ch Ch Ch Cha Changes..

Monday the kids had their overnight at the relatives home. Nantie attended a class and was gone for the evening. DH and I sat on the patio, had a glass of wine and reminisced over the last 7 months. We laughed (over their zany antics and how scared we were to take twins in the first place), cried (over our heartache and how much we'll miss them) and congratulated each other on a job well done. We loved them with our whole hearts and now it's time to start letting go.

When we discussed visitations after the move with workers, we had been advised that's actually harder than dealing with them leaving. They are never the same kids and it's painful to see. What was said didn't hit home until last night. In just 24 hours Jack and Jill morphed into different children. We have no doubt it is due, in part, to the turmoil they're in over moving but also from the completely different world their family lives in. From mealtimes to dressing them to discipline.. polar opposites.

Last night they had attitude and were demanding. If they thought they were going to boss us around they sure had another thing coming. I asked Jack for a hug (it was totally common for him to come up and give me a big ole bear squeeze) but instead he said, "Get me a glass of water and I'll give you a hug" ... Say WHAT?! (After I picked myself up off the floor) I made him get it himself. He also got a firm talking to.

DH noticed right off they looked at us differently. It's like their little, darling bodies are possessed by a couple aliens that don't like us much at all. We did see glimmers of their sweet selves and I'm sure with a good nights sleep, the Jack and Jill we know will return.

Imagine, if you will, not seeing them for a few months and how different they would be then. We totally understand what the workers were trying to get through to us in regards to visitations. It's wild stuff.

We know they are going to a home that loves them and we can sleep at night knowing they are safe. There are kiddos out there that don't even have that. Parents in jail, family that won't step up .. that's where we're needed...

And will be waiting with open arms.

Downtime

Today is a jammies-only kinda day. Well, with the exception of Jill and DH who insist on getting dressed as soon has their feet hit the floor. What-ev-er!! Jack and I are kickin' it in comfort (no need for style) thankyouverymuch.

It has been a nonstop week and today is a day to recover. They have had extended visits with the family they are moving in with and are completely wiped out when they return home. They don't nap and are back to loading up on things like chocolate milk and soda. All we can do is smile (and cringe on the inside). There's nothing we can do except pray that some of our suggestions for meals and snacks will be taken under consideration.

Jack and Jill are both getting sick. He has a gusher of a runny nose and she is sneezing. Being exhausted isn't helping. They'll be riding the couch today and that is that. Jill came here with the flu and I'll be danged if they move back under the weather.

Tomorrow the kids are back at the relatives home for an overnight and we won't see them again until Tuesday afternoon. They are happy to be here and to spend time there, as well. We believe they feel safe and loved in both homes and that's huge. They're totally going with the flow and so far, the transition process seems to be a success.

Little troopers, indeed.

My Sunshine(s)

You Are My Sunshine(s)
My Only Sunshine(s)
You Make Me Happy
When Skies Are Grey.
You'll Never Know Dear(s)
How Much I Love You,
Please Don't..

After the kiddos went to sleep, I was singing this little ditty while doing dishes.. and burst into tears. Way to keep it together, right?

And So It Begins..

In a couple weeks Jack and Jill will move. The transition plan has been put into motion and the clock is ticking. This week will finish out business as usual but next week things will be changing. Longer visits with the family they will be moving in with, followed by an overnight stay and then they will be gone.

They won't be told until about 2 days prior to the move. It's really just too much to process at such a young age. They'll be told at The Office and will have time to grieve here at home. What people don't understand is that they, too, experience grief and loss when they leave foster homes. Especially when they are so bonded and embedded in the family.

As well as we know them, we're not exactly sure what their reaction will be. Mom has told them all along they would be going home with her soon. They have it in their heads that, if and when a move happens, it will be back to her. I think they are going to be furious and confused.

And you can't blame them.

Although we have had bumps in the road with the family, the one thing we do agree on is we want this to be as smooth of a transition as possible for the kids. We all love them and want to protect them as best we can. In the end, we can't ask much more than that.

Please keep them in your prayers and good thoughts.

Holy Cow, We Didn't See That One Coming!

So, yet another twisty in our ever-changing case. Silence was broken yesterday as I received a call from one of our workers. Turns out, Mom does not have the things in place she claimed to (tried to pull a con, really) and the kiddos will not be returning to her anytime soon. She is keeping her nose above water level and doing the very minimum they are asking. Her rights will not be terminated so now other avenues are being visited for placement.

Turns out, Plan B is to have them return to another family member's home. One we had totally not expected. After the shock wore off we contemplated the positives. Although not the most stellar household, it is still way more stable and safe than had they returned to Mom. We know they are very much loved by these people and that is a source of comfort.

We had a falling out with said family members several months back. It caused a ruckus (to say the least) but I think they would be willing to mend fences for the sake of the children. More so than Mom would, anyhow. We will ask to do respite (county term for babysit) for them a weekend a month.. we'll see...

I have been asked to attend a meeting discussing this placement. They want our input and suggestions. Our bond with them is great and our opinions actually hold water. They want to hear about the changes that have taken place with each child since they arrived in January and also what our concerns are in regards to the new home. I consider it a privilege to be invited and find comfort in knowing what I will say will be on record. Nothing I say will prevent them from leaving but perhaps suggestions made will aide in some factors of their safety and well being.

I will be preparing all weekend for the meeting. It's probably one of the most important speeches I will ever give and I want to knock it out of the park.

So, the long and short of it is this transition will happen in the next two weeks. Although nothing is set in stone just yet, we are at peace with the decisions being made. I joked with the worker that I've chewed and mulled the case over and this scenario was not what I had ever imagined. Her, either. Prayers do get answered in ways we never see coming.

The one true constant in foster care.. expect the unexpected.

Silence

I'm sitting here at the table in the still of the morning. All doggies and people are sleeping soundly (except for DH who has already left for work). I hear the ticking of several clocks and the whir of the laptop. Near silence.

A rarity here lately.

Life in our little village has been rough. Jill has been acting up more than usual and you really never know what's going to happen next. She is defiant, back chats and has mood swings like you can't imagine (just to name a few). In the heat of the moment we remind ourselves this is not how our little darling normally acts.. she has a lot of stuff jumbled up inside and is trying to deal with it all.

Jack hasn't been acting out nearly as bad (yet).

No word from The Office. No phone calls, no emails. Total silence. My nature is to second guess why it went from a 9-1-1 must-get-the-transition-started-NOW to nothing. Ziltch, zippo, nada. Trust me, I'm the Queen Of Over-Thinking and my mind has been spinning. The reality is, it's a big group of workers that need to participate and I bet they are having a tough time getting everyones schedules to jive.

No complaints. We'll take whatever extra time we have and run with it.

Here at the table I know I will soon long to see their little bed heads bobble down the hallway each morning. I know I'll remember the sounds of their laughter wafting downstairs and all things Disney playing in the background. I'll miss their incessant chatter and bantering. I do believe I will then rue the silence.

Bring on da noise!

Perfect Moment Monday

Auntie MooMoo always finds the cutest stuff for Jack and Jill and this past week was no exception. Now bath time officially rocks cuz we have, "the bestest towels ev-er"..

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

(PS.. To answer the burning question of the day.. she bought them at Kohl's!) :o)

The Calm Before The Storm

At the end of this coming week, the staffing meeting will take place and paperwork will be filed in court. The transition to return home will begin.

We have been advised not to say a word about it to Jack and Jill until everything is set in stone. Mom is obviously chatting up the move during visits because they keep bringing it up and their behaviours are starting to show signs of turmoil. Her nightmares have started up again and both are manic-hyper after visits. Jack keeps asking Nantie if she still loves him and, as you can imagine, the conversations bring her to tears.

We're going to start the packing process soon so we're not scrambling the night before the move. Nantie picked up brightly colored boxes that will work great for the tons of toys and clothes that will be going. The transport workers had better rent a Ryder truck for the load.

No joke.

Just Grieve

I liken this part of our journey to the death of a loved one. An emotional, exhausting roller coaster of loss, grief and even anger. It's much the same as when I lost Mama to cancer. Sometimes I can talk about it very matter of factly and other times the rush of tears comes from nowhere. Everything is out of our control and it's just a matter of time.

We knew this could happen from the get go and are very aware the county's number one priority is to reunite families. I can say without hesitation there is no amount of training that can prepare you fully for what is about to take place. We pray for their sakes mom will keep it together this time. We also cry a lot in private and keep the smiles-on for the kids.

No easy task.

A meeting will be held at the end of the month for all the workers assigned to our case. Social workers, the GAL and therapists. Jack and Jill's mom has done what has been asked by the court and there are no barriers to sending them home. All involved will be in agreement it's time.

The transition will begin.

Since they are so young things will happen rapidly. Longer visits, unsupervised visits, overnight visits then home. Two weeks tops. They will be gone forever as quickly as they came.

We will be asking mom for contact after the move and the ball will be in her court. We have no doubt she'll say no but will ask just the same.

Jill has more of a grasp of the impending change and showing signs of turmoil. Jack doesn't quite seem to get it. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what lies ahead and pray with all my might it goes as smoothly as possible. It's going to rock their world.

Ours, too.

A Scene From Our Saturday

Squealing Twins & Their Dobersitter.

Acceptance

Definition: the act of assenting or believing

We had a visit tonight from one of our workers and our suspicions were confirmed. Since court in June mom has kicked it up a notch and is actually on track to getting Jack and Jill back. A lot still needs to happen but there's every indication she will keep it all together long enough to appease the courts. I pray for the kids' sake it's not a dog and pony show.

The rest of the summer is really just a long goodbye. Our hearts ache but we cling to the fact we've done our very best by them. They are not the same children they were when they first came. Jack arrived sullen and fairly nonverbal now stands up for himself and refuses to let Jill talk over him. He's clever and an absolute ham. Jill still tries to be the center of the universe but allows brother to steal her thunder. Sometimes. They declare McDonald's breakfast, "JUNK FOOD!" and have tried (and even liked) all sorts of new food (including veggies and fruit).

Time will pass and their memories of us will undoubtedly fade. Their little souls, however, will never forget.

I have faith in that.

Tuesday Toot

My Tuesday Toot is for not completely losing my mind when I got yet more news today that things aren't going our way (case wise). Nantie and I discussed and firmly believe we need to start preparing our hearts (and souls) for their departure. Both our gut feelings are they will be returned home.

DH, on the other hand, says he'll believe it when he sees it.

I'm praying hard for peace and have remained pretty darn calm (for me, anyway). I gotta admit I'm not as tough as I would like to be and yes, the tears have come.

I just can't help it.

As Gomer Used to Say..

Today is destine to go down as a great day. Jack and Jill's 5th birthday isn't for a few weeks but we're doing a little sumpin sumpin for them family style later today. It has been decided that, since the next few weeks are packed, this is the only time we have to do a small family gathering just for them. The whole crew is coming over at noon for pizza, ice cream, cake ...

.. and to give them their brand spankin' new bikes (and yes helmets, too).

We'll be filling up the big whale pool that DH got for Father's Day (nice of him to share, huh?) so it'll be a fun, outdoors day. If we don't have our daily thunderstorms and tornados, that is.

Years ago, Auntie MooMoo, Nantie and I declared June our birthday month (because a day just isn't long enough, right?). It's looking like the twins get to call June and July as theirs.

Not All God's Little Angels Have Wings..

Nearly an hour after Jack and Jill were tucked into bed last night I heard them chattering away on the monitor. I marched upstairs to see what the hubbub was all about and put the kibosh on the yapping.

I was sitting on Jack's bed giving them the ole rigmarole about how important sleep is blah blah blah when he takes my hand and says, "But Wissa, Jill and I were talking about God" (flashing me those blinky-blinky-melts-me-everytime brown eyes).

Now, how could I possibly stay steamy at them when I hear that? These kids are gooood!

Me: Really? What about?
Jack: About how I like to use my blankie as a pillow and she doesn't. God made us different.
Me: He sure did.. we're all different. Isn't that cool?
Jill: He made my eyes brown and your eyes blue.
Me: Yep.
Jack: That's so cool.
Me: Yep.. NOW GET TO BED.

They are just too stinkin' cute for their own good.

Roughing It

Here is a little ditty from our camping trip over the weekend. For those of you that mock my sense of adventure and heartiness (BRENDA), I have proof that I did actually have to dig deep and truly rough it.

Our crew went swimming Saturday morning (remember the thong?). By early afternoon it was time to pack it in and head back to the rig. DH, Auntie MooMoo and Uncle Kiwi had a tee time while Jack, Jill and I were going to stay behind for Quiet Time. A cold beer, chewy chocolate cookies, hot shower and WiFi anyone? One word: Heaven!

I am a good little camper and know how to take sailors showers (turn the water off to conserve while lathering). Although we were in a campsite with plug ins DH decided not to hook up the water, assuring me we had enough.

Uh huh.

I was covered head to toe with soap and hair dripping with conditioner when, you guessed it, the water sputtered and ran out. I had 2 kids asleep (one on the couch up front and one in our bed in the back) and not an adult family member in sight. FOR HOURS.

My survival instincts kicked in. I grabbed a towel, burst out of the bathroom, ran across the rig to a cabinet and pulled out a case of bottled water that I drug back to the shower. Did I mention all the blinds were open? Poor neighbors.

Look out Man Vs Wild, there's a new kid in town: