Saturday, May 21, 2011

And The Thunder Rolls...

This was, by far, the roughest week to date in our little home. It came to a head last night in an explosive display of rage by LittleBuddy... the likes I have never seen. On top of Daddy being out of town for work (one authority figure gone), Friday was the last day of school. Saying goodbye is overwhelming and it's mighty clear LB doesn't handle change well. Can you blame him? He has moved, changed schools, had to make new friends and deal with living in a home with rules. He has had to adjust to more than most of us adults could handle. And it's not the first time he's had to endure this.

In his words: "I'm all jumbled up inside.."

Once the anger finally passed (hours later), he curled up in my arms and sobbed uncontrollably for nearly a half hour. He cried that no one wanted him. I have to say, it took everything in me to not burst into tears myself. By the grace of God I was able to keep it together and softly reassure him how much we all love him and his sister.

We rocked and waited out the storm.

Thanks to a biofamily member that has nothing more than DNA in common with the kids (read: they don't know this person from Adam) we're still at a place where LB can't be told where his final living place will be. He can't even start moving forward in the healing process and everyone on the case is livid. We had a court date set and now I'm told it has been postponed.

It's the epitome of selfish.

For now we work on LB one day (hour, minute) at a time. All the grief, anger, loss, trauma, neglect and abuse. When each horrific storm cloud passes, the sun shines through and I feel another bit of the weight is lifted. Not completely but some is better than nothing.

Jumbled stuff be gone.


Stella said...

This brought tears to my eyes.
The thought that a child might feel that unwanted is unbearable.
You have to know what a HUGE difference you are making in this little man, and his sister's, lives!
I firmly believe that God is on your side and as hard as this is right now, especially for your little guy, it will work out in the end and he will move forward with you and your husband and his little sister as a wonderful family!

Stay strong! You're doing wonderful, amazing things!

Carmen O. said...

It's heartbreaking. Thank you for taking care of LB, Mel. I know you're the mama, but I just feel gratitude that there are people out there like you taking care of hte kids that feel unwanted. Praying this storm will pass, that healing will come, adn that the bio family member will let go!
Love you,

Debbie Schwartz said...

The fact that he was able to tell you he was "all jumbled up inside" is such a good sign. Learning to identify his feelings and feeling safe to talk about them is part of his healing process, even if there is still uncertainty in his (and your) life. You're doing a terrific job!!

Sunday Koffron said...

Oh, the poor little guy. And I know it must be hard to watch, thank you for hanging in there with him. It is not fair. The system has so little regard for the RIGHTS of the CHILD.

Lavender Luz said...

I'm hoping there's a rainbow waiting for LB (and you) real soon.

I can't imagine anyone better suited to helping him unjumble.


Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

You did exactly what he needed and wherever he ends up {and may it be with you!!!} he will remember that. Being in your home is good for his soul! (((hugs)))


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