Saturday, December 31, 2011

Hasta La Vista 2011...

... And Good Riddance!

I usually do a fun year in review post and talk about all the crazy highs and lows.  Not this time.. I'm just not going there.  2011 was one of the hardest years of my life and I'm happy to leave it behind.

Sayonara, Adios, Buh bye.

On a positive note, I did make some amazing new friends, found my laughter and I'm getting my groove back.  I feel like me again.. just a new and improved version.  More appreciative and mindful of my blessings, for sure.

Big News:  Yesterday I filled out the paperwork to change LittleBuddy and SweetPea's names for their revised birth certificates.  I had to leave my desk and go into the bathroom because I burst out crying...

Tears of joy ROCK!

So here's to 2012.. To finalizing the adoption, making new memories and getting our joy on. 


Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Snapshots..




And today, we rest.

I hope everyone had a VERY Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Where Tree Tops Glisten..

And children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I'm Dreaming ...

Of A White Christmas...

And it's still snowing! WOOT!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Got word from my social worker today.. the appeal has been DE-NIED and we're moving forward with adoption!!!!!!!!!!  I swear I cried and shouted all in the same breath.

We should be in adoption court in February.



Monday, December 19, 2011

Do You Know What I Know?

Even grief can't completely ruin Christmas.

There is nothing that melts me more than SweetPea (almost three) OOhhh-ing and Awww-ing over the lights and ornaments. When she asked, "Mommy, may I kiss Baby Desus, pwease?" (she loves the Nativity scenes) I thought my heart would explode with love for my little curly haired angel.

This all happening between temper tantrums, of course.

Christmas is alive and well in our home, thanks to the innocence, excitement and wonderment of both my children. A reminder of what the Season is truly all about...


For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Yes, I'm Ready For Some Football..

This one is for you, CloudMaster!!


Friday, December 16, 2011

A Christmas Letter ~ To My Husband

Dear Matt,

I would like to say this is a Christmas season full of joy but really, it's far from it.  You know this is my second favorite holiday (after Thanksgiving) and it has been brutal at best.  I finally got the inside of the house decorated (a half-assed job but I gave it my all) and friends, Uncle JoeJoe and Uncle Mike helped decorate the outside.  I didn't hang your stocking and every time I look at the fireplace I'm reminded of the void.

I'm tired, angry and sad...

The kids are doing pretty well.  LittleBuddy has struggled lately, getting in trouble at school and here at home.  Some things are typical 7 year old boy-issues, others not.  At times he exhausts me but that's nothing new.  I'm bound and determined to raise him up to be a good man.. God as my witness, it will happen.

SweetPea is amazing.. almost totally potty trained, completely sassy, talking up a storm, she sings, counts, dances.. She melted your heart months ago and would do it doubly now.  And oh boy, can she rock a temper fit.  But dammit, she's beautiful.

They both are.

I think the entire family's goal is to survive this season and get it far behind us.  New Years will be equally as tough, as we would snowmobile every year, but that too will pass.  I have huge hope 2012 will be better for all of us.

It has to be.

Until Next Time,

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year?

Not for everyone...

We've had a huge influx of family visiting since Thanksgiving and the distractions have been wonderful.  That being said, I still have had to lug out (and face) the Christmas decor and that has been no fun.  When I finally got the kids down for "quiet time" last Saturday, I was in the basement trying to maintain what's left of my dignity while digging through Christmas containers.  With my iPod jamming me to deafness, I was doing really well ... until I got to our stockings.  Then I fell apart... 

In a big way.

I had custom stockings made for Matt and I back in '02 and coming across them literally dropped me to my knees.  I could barely breathe my heart hurt so badly and I cried like a child.

It was August 12th all over again.

This grieving stuff completely sucks... however, it's a process I have no choice but to face.  If not now, when?  Once I regained composure and got on with the business of decking the halls it all wasn't nearly as crushing.  I'm not quite done yet but should have the house all purty-like by the weekend.  Normally I would be totally freaked out I'm so behind.  This year, not so much.

Please don't get me wrong, I love Christmas..

Just not this one.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Cuz All The Cool Kids...

Hang in the kitchen...

Friday, December 9, 2011

Tebow Time ~ Full Circle Style...

Uncle JoeJoe and Auntie D (Matt's younger brother and his darling wife) are in town .. the kiddos had a BLAST breaking the rules...

And scoring touchdowns!!  :-)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Merry Thankmus!!

This past weekend, Nantie and Uncle Elvis had us all up to their place for a holiday party.  Unable to get everyone together for Thanksgiving and Christmas, the shin ding was dubbed, "Merry Thankmus" ...

It was a hoot.

Little Buddy got to cheat at musical chairs...

We got our do-si-do on...

Little Buddy got to drool over his best Wyoming girl...

SweetPea and I took some pictures... and Tweeted, updated our Facebook status, texted..

And did I mention we watched the Broncos beat the Vikings in OT?

Oh yeah!

Thank you Nantie and Uncie Elvis for having us crazies up and treating us to such a lovely afternoon!  Yet another reminder of how blessed I am to have such an awesome family!

Ho Ho Ho!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Calling All My Prayer Warriors ~ Friend In Need!

Many of you already know SocialWrkr24/7's popular blog Eyes Opened Wider, journaling her life as a social worker.  She has a heart for God and the children on her caseload.  I wish we had more workers like her in our county.  No joke.  To many, she is the voice for the children, to me she is a wonderful friend and supporter..

It's time to return the favor.

The Sunday before Thankgiving, she went in to the ER with stomach pains.  Diagnosis?  Cancer.  Life flipped upside down in an instant... sadly a feeling many of us can relate to.  I asked her what we all could do.  She said, "Please pray" ... I've vowed to pray her through this and I hope you do, as well.

Please visit her blog, leave comments and, most importantly, pray.  I know how much the support our awesome community has meant to me (and continues to do so).  Let's lift up our wonderful friend and walk beside her.

Kiddo, you know how much I love you.  You are in my daily thoughts and prayers.  Hang in there .. and never forget, we're here for you!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Birth Mom Search Continues.. Err, Kind Of..

Back in early 2010 I hired an investigator in an attempt to locate my Birth Mom. I tried searching for her myself on and off throughout the years (and with assistance of search angels.. ie: friends that worked for free) with no luck.

I was confident it would take but a few months for the professionals to track her down.  Heck, they're the company (the television show) Troy The Locator uses and they reunite people in, like, 22 minutes.  My case should be a piece of cake, right?

Um, no.

We hit a wall quickly (I have a very common birth name) and needed to have the county of my birth pull my non id info again.  There were several questions that weren't addressed when they originally sent it to me five years ago.  I was told a case worker would be assigned soon and advised to follow up in a few weeks to make sure I didn't fall through the cracks.  It should take 60-90 days to get the info back.  I called diligently every three months and was told the same thing..

For the next year and a half.. 

Yesterday I heard back from the worker.  When I picked myself up off the floor realized the questions (she could answer) were complete, I literally started to shake.   Then she asked if I preferred she mail it to me or shoot me an email.  What?  Duh..

I got the email today.

Unfortunately, not all the questions were answered and the ones that were are vague at best.  It's feeling like this search has run it's course.  That all being said, it's not the end of the world and I am far from incomplete.  I am grateful for my wonderful family and insanely fantastic group of friends.

She's out there somewhere, or maybe not. She wonders about me or she doesn't. I may never know.  Or maybe I will..  The one thing I do know?

No matter what, I'm very blessed.

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