Some Perspective..

On top of the herd o' canines we are currently owned by, we also foster for a breed rescue group. Yes, we live outside city limits, they're all legally licenced, spayed/neutered, micro chipped and always up to date on vaccinations.. thankyouverymuch. Our current foster is a darling 12 year old female we've had for 7 months.

We originally volunteered for the rescue group about six years ago and tried our hand at fostering. Cake, right? Um, no. Long story short, within 2 days DH was asking me if we could keep him. Ya, we suck.. and immediately quit for fear we would end up the "crazy old people with all the dogs". It could so happen... ask anyone that knows us.

A couple years ago, we decided to put on our big girl/boy panties and give it another whirl. Could we have gotten a foster that we didn't adore? Of course not. He was an 8year old little dynamo that bonded immediately with DH. Once again I started getting those big, sad eyes from him,

"Can we..."

"NO!"

If we kept one more we could no longer volunteer (we would run out of room!) and there was such a huge need for foster homes we had to stay strong. Who da thunk I would become such a tough nut?

I can't even begin to count how many little broken souls have come into our home since. I can say there is nothing more gratifying than watching them evolve from scared, untrusting little ones to bright eyed, healthy and loving. Yes, I fall in different degrees of love with each (some bond to me, some to DH) and after I do a home check and I place them myself, I cry the whole, lonely car ride home. The only things that get me past the heart wrenching sadness of saying goodbye is.. one, I know first hand what a fantastic home they've been placed in and two, because my phone is soon ringing and another is being surrendered or about to be put to sleep at a shelter and I must pull him or her immediately.

Tonight we had a possible placement for our sweet little senior girl. There were issues with the home that didn't sit well with me and I voiced my opinions. Loudly. Clearly. They held water and they were valid. When it was all said and done, the family was told it wasn't a good placement and why (they agreed) and would continue their search within our rescue. We have, like, 1200 dogs listed at all times nationally (and in Canada).. I'm sure they'll find a perfect match. However, my little girl stays put.

To say I was on fire tonight over the placement situation would be putting it lightly. I was heard and things went my way. I am so emotional over our dogs and their well being, how am I going to cope with the possibility of losing a child? We are well immersed in a system that we have no voice in already that I almost fear what lies ahead. We're at someone else's mercy constantly and let's face it, I don't seem to be making any friends. Will I be able to dig deep enough and find the strength it takes to see our way to journey's end?

In spite of my doubts and fears, Mama didn't raise no quitter. It might not be all that pretty, but Lord help me, I'm going to give it my all just the same. Keep us in your prayers, please

Nothing like a good reality check to knock you upside the head. Blah.

Is Knowledge Really Power?

Okay, it is... but I have to be honest.. it's scaring the hell out of me.

Since we began this whole, crazy process last December, we've plunged into the highly recommended books on neglect and abuse. If we're armed with information we won't be blind sided, right? Let me tell ya, these are no light summer reads. It's the most gut wrenching and heart breaking stuff imaginable... it has brought me to sobbing tears and given me nightmares. The abuse that goes on out there that those sweet, innocent angels endure is mind numbing.

I was at B&N picking up some books for Dad's birthday care package (he wants to learn about min pins) and I decided to grab a few more on adoption. Along with the ones that will make us wonder if we're worthy and up for this HUGE daunting challenge, I grabbed some uplifting ones, as well. Can I just say, it's a breath of fresh air getting to read snippets from the positive side of adoption for a change? I know it's not going to be the fairy tale and we can't love all the bad things away but I so needed encouragement for once. If any of you Foster and Adoption Gurus out there have any other reading recommendations, please pass them along!

Mama always said there's nothing like the healing power Chicken Soup (and prayer).. and boy, she was right!