"Expect The Unexpected"

That bit of advise was given to us at the very first informational meeting we attended with the county. The speaker looked to be in her mid-40's, tall and thin, with long brown hair and pale skin. I clearly remember her eyes sparkled as she told her story.

Like us, she and her husband had tried with no luck to start a family the old fashioned way. Somehow, they found their way to fost/adopt and their journey began. Initially they were hoping to adopt a young (newborn-toddler) Caucasian girl. A child that blended in with their little family.

She told us the one thing we should expect is the unexpected in our journey. She advised us to listen to our hearts and to each other. You can imagine our surprise as she proudly showed us a picture of her son. They had adopted him a few years earlier and he was currently in high school. Not only was he older than the age they originally wished to adopt.. he was a he. Oh yeah, he was also African American.. and her pride and joy. When his younger brother came into the system they adopted him, as well.

The Unexpected.

I think one of the things that has caught our family off guard is how deeply they love Jack and Jill. Like many of you that have gone the fost/adopt route (or are thinking about it) you know most think you're not playing with a full deck when you confide that you're considering doing this. With the best of intentions many try to talk you out of it. Although we know most were uneasy with the whole idea, all tried to support us as best they could. Let's face it, foster kids have a stigma. Not to mention the loss and pain we're setting ourselves up for if the kids go home.

Due to the Influenza Type A outbreak at the house of pestilence (ie: the day the kids moved in we ended up in Urgent Care with Jill who was very sick and diagnosed with the flu) the family didn't get to meet the kids for over a week after their arrival. All they got were quick phone updates from DH, Nantie or me about how downright adorable and sweet they are.

Once The Plague passed and the house was deemed clean (think "Poltergeist") they filtered on over. It didn't take long for them to fall head over heels in love with Jack and Jill. Each wiggled their little ways into everyone's heart.

Although it has just been over a month, it's hard to remember life before them. The thought of a quiet house without the two of them zooming around and chattering up a storm breaks my heart. And I am not alone. All have voiced concern over them leaving.. none can bear the thought, either.

We were very aware of the risks involved going into this. Nothing was ever sugarcoated. We knew that DH, Nantie and I would bond and love the kids unconditionally because they are with us 24/7. We didn't fathom what a profound effect they would have on the rest of the family.

The Unexpected.

Some Perspective..

On top of the herd o' canines we are currently owned by, we also foster for a breed rescue group. Yes, we live outside city limits, they're all legally licenced, spayed/neutered, micro chipped and always up to date on vaccinations.. thankyouverymuch. Our current foster is a darling 12 year old female we've had for 7 months.

We originally volunteered for the rescue group about six years ago and tried our hand at fostering. Cake, right? Um, no. Long story short, within 2 days DH was asking me if we could keep him. Ya, we suck.. and immediately quit for fear we would end up the "crazy old people with all the dogs". It could so happen... ask anyone that knows us.

A couple years ago, we decided to put on our big girl/boy panties and give it another whirl. Could we have gotten a foster that we didn't adore? Of course not. He was an 8year old little dynamo that bonded immediately with DH. Once again I started getting those big, sad eyes from him,

"Can we..."

"NO!"

If we kept one more we could no longer volunteer (we would run out of room!) and there was such a huge need for foster homes we had to stay strong. Who da thunk I would become such a tough nut?

I can't even begin to count how many little broken souls have come into our home since. I can say there is nothing more gratifying than watching them evolve from scared, untrusting little ones to bright eyed, healthy and loving. Yes, I fall in different degrees of love with each (some bond to me, some to DH) and after I do a home check and I place them myself, I cry the whole, lonely car ride home. The only things that get me past the heart wrenching sadness of saying goodbye is.. one, I know first hand what a fantastic home they've been placed in and two, because my phone is soon ringing and another is being surrendered or about to be put to sleep at a shelter and I must pull him or her immediately.

Tonight we had a possible placement for our sweet little senior girl. There were issues with the home that didn't sit well with me and I voiced my opinions. Loudly. Clearly. They held water and they were valid. When it was all said and done, the family was told it wasn't a good placement and why (they agreed) and would continue their search within our rescue. We have, like, 1200 dogs listed at all times nationally (and in Canada).. I'm sure they'll find a perfect match. However, my little girl stays put.

To say I was on fire tonight over the placement situation would be putting it lightly. I was heard and things went my way. I am so emotional over our dogs and their well being, how am I going to cope with the possibility of losing a child? We are well immersed in a system that we have no voice in already that I almost fear what lies ahead. We're at someone else's mercy constantly and let's face it, I don't seem to be making any friends. Will I be able to dig deep enough and find the strength it takes to see our way to journey's end?

In spite of my doubts and fears, Mama didn't raise no quitter. It might not be all that pretty, but Lord help me, I'm going to give it my all just the same. Keep us in your prayers, please

Nothing like a good reality check to knock you upside the head. Blah.

Will It Be Love At First Sight?

Probably not.

In my quest for adoption knowledge, I've learned there is a good chance when we meet our future child(ren) the Heavens won't part and angels most likely won't be singing. The fantasy of the Big Moment will probably be squashed into an awkward introduction at best.

That is a relief to know.

In "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother" Jana Wolff wrote it actually took her 8-9 months to fall "head over heels in love" with her adoptive son. She loved him and would have protected him no matter what but that "I will die for you" instinct took time to develop.

I am so grateful to the authors of books, blogs and web sites on adoption for their brutal honesty. Just the knowledge it may not be insta-love will probably save me months of wondering, "What is wrong with me? Where is that complete love I've heard all about??! Why am I not feeling those feelings? Am I just cold hearted? Maybe I'm not cut out for this Mommy Business.. " It's going to be hard enough being a first time mom, throwing in self doubt and feelings of major inadequacy sure won't help.

That's just one of the many crazy aspects of adoption. Strangers eventually morphing into a family. In this instant age we live in, I'm going to need to hammer into my pea brain that we will need patience and time to develop love and trust (and maybe a few batches of homemade chocolate chip cookies).