BEST DAY!!!!!

April 5th, 2012

Big News.. SIT DOWN..

Are you sitting?

Our adoption court date is SET!  Before the first week of April ends, I will officially become SweetPea and LittleBuddy's Mommy!!  Tears of joy .. gushing.  God is so GOOD!

Stay tuned!!!

The Talk

Our social worker (Tee) called us as soon as the termination hearing ended to give us the verdict.  She has been with the kiddos since day one (nearly two years) and I can say with total certainty I wasn't the only one in tears.  All this time she has been the one to give Little Buddy all the tough news ..  and Thursday was no exception.

Tee knows he can't process information that comes in a beat-around-the-bush, sugar coated style.  He needs blunt truth.  Although he had been talking about adoption for a few months, to hear it's officially happening was huge and world rocking.  Both in a good and bad way..  Can you imagine what a nearly seven year old feels hearing this?  Joy, abandonment, pain, grief, anger, relief, happiness...

A massively mixed bag.

She didn't want him to have any lingering fantasies that his Mom would be coming back for them and was purposefully clear, answering questions honestly.  It was absolutely heart breaking to watch my little man's eyes well up with tears as he nodded in understanding of what she was saying.  Her eyes welled up also.. how we all kept from bursting out crying is beyond me. 

We told him it's okay to feel the feelings that will come up.. he can be angry, sad and happy, reiterating as we always do that it's not their fault.  Their mom loves them dearly she just can't keep them safe.  We talked about me being adopted and my family, as well as their older brother (9 year old "Freckles") and what it all means.

"Being safe and part of a family that loves you forever," per Little Buddy.

As with everything in his short life, LB took the information in stride.  About an hour after Tee left he asked if we could call Auntie MooMoo (my SIL whom he has become very close to) to tell her the Big News.  When she answered the phone he yelled, "MOOOO... we're getting 'DOPTED!!!"  and I could hear her hootin' and a hollerin' from across the room.

Good stuff.

It has only been a few days since The Talk and all has been well.  We fully expect another cycle of some type of acting out but at least THIS time it's news that will allow forward motion.  LB is no longer stuck, not knowing if and when they will be uprooted.  His school is his school, his friends are his friends, his home is his home. 

He can finally exhale, too.

Hey San Diego ~ Coming Soon~ A Must-Attend Adoption Seminar!

Are you (or someone you know) in the San Diego area and looking to grow your family through adoption? Have you already adopted and seeking continued education and support?

Do I have a seminar for YOU!

WHAT?? There will be orientations on Domestic, Intercountry, and Foster Care Adoption, and also a Panel of Adoption Experts on Domestic, Intercountry, and Foster Care Adoption that can answer all your questions. There will also be fabulous breakout sessions including We’ve Adopted… Now What?, Attaching through Play, How Parenting Changes You.

WHEN?? Saturday, October 16, 2010 from 8:30 AM - 2:00 PM (PT)

WHERE?? 1330 Poinsettia Lane Carlsbad, 92011

HOW DO I GET MORE INFO & SIGN UP?? CLICK HERE!!

An Adoption Of The 4 Legged Variety

As many of you know, we have been involved with a dog rescue for several years (IMPS). We have fostered loads of wonderful min pins, many of which we wanted to adopt ourselves. It can be really really hard letting them go. I must admit, we did adopt our very first foster (he suckered ..errr charmed.. us with his "charazma" as his Daddy says).

For the past 2 1/2 years we have fostered The Divine Miss Coco. She came to us as a sassy 13 year old, in her hay day a black and tan (but now a black and white-LOL). During her time with us, her eyes have failed and she is now almost completely blind.

She navigates the house with great ease and we sometimes forget she can't see.. until she bonks into something that is out of place. She loves to snuggle and remind Cass (the Doberman) who da boss really is. They are best buds.

Many seniors don't get adopted for obvious reasons.. but this one did...

How lucky are we?

Psssstt!!! There's Still Time..

To enter to win a Personal Microderm from SkinCareRX
(A $180 value!)

---> CLICK HERE <---

And scroll down for instructions!

One randomly-chosen winner will be announced LIVE on MomTV's Adoption Angles Wednesday (8/4) at 9PM EST!!

Now go on.. SSHHOOO!!!

My Spin On Nature Versus Nurture

I remember back in the day watching an episode of Sally Jesse (you know, when she was legit and her red specs were all the rage) and being mesmerized by that certain day's topic.. adoptees searching for their birth families. Although not told of their adoption growing up, they just knew waaayy deep down that they didn't "belong" and felt no real connection to the family they grew up in. Their puzzle pieces fell into place when their family finally fessed up and the search for their "real family" began. To this day I remember thinking how empty their lives must have been but come on, their real family was who raised and loved them all those years. It was sad to see them get dissed.

Although the plan from the get go was to tell me of my adoption, a few months after I was placed my parents swore family and friends to secrecy. They had fallen head over heels in love with me and I was their child.. end of discussion. My mom may have been 4'11" and 95 lbs soaking wet (a crazy red head, to boot) but you did not cross her. No doubt, all feared the Hell Fire that would ensue.

Unlike the SJR guests, I never felt unattached from my family or that I didn't belong. I think that is one of the things that really threw me for a loop when I found out. I am so my Mama's daughter (physically and emotionally) it isn't even funny. As an adult I would hold my hand up to hers and marvel at how they were identical (except I could never grow nails and hers were beautiful). I worry like she did, I suffer from "mother hen" syndrome and love to cook and take care of my family and friends like she did.. and I must also admit, I'm a horrible driver just like she was.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday.. Have you ever ridden in a car where the driver taps their foot lightly on the accelerator while cruising along and causes you to lurch forward? I would constantly yell at her I was going to hurl if she didn't stop it and she would declare I was crazy. Fast forward .. my best friend Bren is visiting for New Years and we're headed to LoDo (Lower Downtown Denver) to whup it on and ring in '01. She starts yelling at me that I'm going to make her yak if I don't stop tapping the accelerator. I had to laugh BUT hey, at least I believed her. Now every time I'm the driver and she is the passenger I try to stay on cruise control as much as possible..

Not only do I look like Dad, I act like him, too.

I know the great debate over Nature vs Nurture will rage on forever but my little humble "o" is our personalities are very much the result of who we are raised by. I think we do pick up many character traits (good and bad, obviously) by the people that we are closest to.

That being said, our plan is to let our little ones know they are adopted (if they're too young to remember being placed with us). I'm a firm believer that they should have contact with birth relatives (if it's reasonable and safe to do so) and have no intention of cutting off their family ties if at all possible.

Hopefully we are stronger than Mom and Dad..

An Official Card Carrying Club Member

Our cards and certificate arrived today stating that we are officially foster parents for the County Dept of Social Services. Of course I got all teary eyed. I read our certificate that states we are allowed 2 children between the ages of .. 12 to 18 years old. Huh? After all the questions, forms and more questions they still didn't get it right. I'll be dropping an email to our home study worker tonight to make sure that gets straightened out. Wonder how long that'll take.. Oy! Our placement worker is coming to the house next Wednesday to check out our digs and hammer out the details all over again. Weeee!

Hello? Is This Thing On??

So last Wednesday was the big day and we officially received our certification. Our Home Study Worker finally returned my call late that night with the good news and advised that the next round of workers would be calling very soon. Apparently they still needed to nail down a few specifics to get a clearer picture of what we think we can and cannot handle behavior and health wise (even though we filled out their gazillion page form that pretty much says it all).

We chose ages 3 and under, 1 or 2 children (sibs) and are willing to work with a host issues that occur with neglected and abused children (with guidance from the county on educating ourselves on whatever the kids placed with us suffer from). We both work full time are somewhat limited to what we can handle (especially time wise) and needed to be honest with ourselves. It sure would have been great to take on a bit more and if I was a stay at home our choices would have been different.

If we can handle our 2 without completely losing our minds (they're half gone as it is) and do adopt, I am thinking we may continue to foster since we have room and the need is so great. It is definitely nothing we can commit to yet as we're going into completely uncharted territories but is something I'm considering to propose to DH down the line. I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and am trying to be a grown up about this whole process (not an easy task). Note to self: Baby Steps.

That all being said, I've checked our phones repeatedly (they're in fine working order) but we have yet to hear from anyone. Perhaps we're at the "bottom of the list" because we're out of county? It's not like we're half way across the state for crying out loud.. we're right next door. We can't get "The Call" if they aren't 100% sure about what we're capable of handling, right? From what I've read on other blogs, it's a sure sign of things to come so I 'spose I'll keep working on that silly old patience thing I keep hearing about. Blah.

Next time I'll have them define what being called back "very soon" really means so there's no confusion on my part again. ;o)

Parallel Lives

Exactly 39 years ago, Mom and Dad were floating in the exact adoption boat we in are today. All their classes were completed, the back round checks done, they finished their home study and (I found out recently), Mama actually went to work as a nanny part time to get a handle on being a mommy. They had just received their certification and were awaiting "the call" from the county.

Back then, infertility was an embarrassment and I'm told Mama felt shameful for not being able to carry a baby to term. It wasn't something openly discussed (not in our family, anyway) and adoption was no where near the rage it is nowadays. Things were different back then and, as cold as it sounds today, they wanted a child that looked like them. Although Mom was Mexican, she had auburn hair, brown eyes and freckles and Daddy was a Euro mix with blond hair and blue eyes. They wanted a child that fit into that groove .. Apparently, they didn't want anyone to question my lineage at the grocery store..

In July of 1969, their call came. I was a month old and living in what has been described as a county home. I'm not sure if that was like an orphanage or a foster home. In my non-id info an excerpt from our first meeting was noted. It is written that the moment Mom and Dad saw me there were tears of joy as I was scooped up, held and cooed over. It was love at first sight. Dad's comment was that they were on, "Cloud Nine" and Mama beamed through her tears. The workers gave them my formula, went over my daily routine and loaded Dad down with diapers and other essentials. I went home with them that very day and everyone involved was thrilled.

Fast forward to 2008. Here we sit, waiting for our vote this Wednesday for certification. Another "ancient" couple ready to open their hearts and home to a child (or children). Yet again, I'm wishing Mama was here to be a part of our journey and to hear of hers. It's times like this that make me miss her even more...

Crossing The Border..

Why in the world did we decided to work with the county adjacent to ours, rather than stick with our own? It was simply a matter of a returned phone call..

It all started when I quizzed one of our vets on her adoption experience. We've taken our dogs to her for years (when you have 5 mutts you're on a first name basis, believe me) and she went through the program with our county and had a very positive fost/adopt experience. So much so, she spoke for them at various functions, assisting them with their recruiting efforts.

Unfortunately, by the time our adoption plan went into effect, the program and the wonderful workers that had been there for years had completely fallen apart. Word has it there was major drama, people walked, they were understaffed and everything was nuts. I called the recruiter, would leave messages, waited... and waited some more. I left a message every day for one gentleman only to be called a week later and told that he no longer held that position, applauded my tenacity and gave me yet another name and number. I spent another week leaving messages until I finally gave up. We know we're going to be at the bottom of the pecking order when we're certified, but hello? Being that ignored so early in the game sent up huge red flags.

I called my vet, disheartened. She recommended I try The Other County and gave me their phone number. Within 45 minutes of leaving a message I got a return phone call and was signed up for the Family Share Night the following week. Weeks later in training when asked why we had chosen to go with them and not stick with our own county, they loved my little story. Cindy, the main recruiter (a foster mom that had adopted a very challenging 13 year old who now in her 20's and in college) self high 5'd herself. She was very pleased to hear her persistent efforts paid off. She still emails regularly and was thrilled to hear we're --> <-- close to being certified. When we finally have children placed with us, we will be required to take them to weekly supervised visits with their birth parents and to other various appointments. If we were in county, they would provide transportation to and from the day care we have them in. Since we're not, it's on us. Well, me as I'm closest (DH has a commute that is well over an hour away). Thank the Good Lord the company I have worked for for the past 12 years is family owned, are 100% behind us and will accommodate my future goofy schedule (my boss gave me away at our wedding.. we're all pretty tight and I love them dearly).

The only downside to all this.. there is going to be A LOT of running around to do, I drive a gas guzzling suv and suffer from leaden footitus. If someone with half a brain drove it properly, my little go cart would probably get 16 mpg.. I probably average 12 (on a good day). At almost $4.00 a gallon here in CO, it will be costly (but it's oh so worth it!!).

Going Back in Time ~ My Own Adoption Story

It was May, 1999 and I remember the evening like it was yesterday. Mama had passed away a year prior from ovarian cancer and the following month I was turning 30. Her finances had all been settled, her home in CA sold but I had one loose end I was still dealing with.. her car. When she and dad divorced in 1988 she received it in the settlement but had never taken him off the title (weird because she was on top of everything). I had been corresponding with an old family friend about not being able to get the tags because the DMV considered it Dad's and records showed he was alive and well somewhere in CA. I already had it transported via a flatbed truck here to Colorado and it sat in the garage, unable to be driven.

Dad and I had been out of touch for well over a decade in part due to their nasty divorce. The line had been drawn in the sand and no one budged. I was at a point where time had healed old wounds and I was contemplating tracking him down to let him know that no matter what, he was my Daddy and I loved him. I had told the neighbor friend via snail mail my thoughts of reuniting with Dad (and having him sign over the title to me). That is when the Adoption Bomb dropped that beautiful spring evening in '99. I was preparing dinner and reading her response. It went something like this, "... I am also surprised your Mom had not gotten the title work taken care of on the Cadillac. As far as tracking down your dad goes, I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. Since you were adopted and all, he may have cut ties with you emotionally. George and I leave for Mexico tomorrow..."

Just like that.. I found out in a random comment in a hastily scribbled note. I put the letter down and continued to cook. As soon as my (now ex) husband came home, I grabbed it and held it up to his nose, "Read This Read This.. tell me what you think it means!" I obviously thought I was going nutso and over thinking her statement (even though it was pretty cut and dry). He sat down, read it, looked at me and said, "Well, it appears you were adopted.."

Alrighty then..

I don't remember much right after that. I think I curled up in his arms and cried... for such a small statement, it was A LOT to process. I demanded he call my Uncle and Auntie in California and find out what in the world she was talking about. Like the true adult I am, I locked myself in the bathroom and held my breath. Minutes later, a knock on the door and the phone was handed to me. Yep, I was adopted. Holy cow..

Most people are aghast when they hear I found out so late about my adoption. Honestly, about an hour after I found out and the shock had settled a bit, I was given a Heaven Sent revelation that instantly brought me peace about it all and has since that moment. Not only was I loved so much by my birth mom that she chose to unselfishly give me up for a shot at a better life, I was loved that much more by my parents.. so overly-loved I never in a gazillion years ever thought I was adopted. I had had 2 mommies that adored me. How cool is that?

From the start Mom and Dad fully intended on telling me I was adopted. They planned to have "A Days" (like birthdays but "Adoption Days" to celebrate the day I came home). About a month after I was placed with them that plan changed.. they suddenly swore everyone to secrecy.. neighbors, friends and relatives. The had fallen so in love with me I was theirs and that was it. No ifs ands or buts about it. How in the world everyone (and there were loads of people) kept that to themselves is BEYOND me. You had to know my parents to fully understand their reasons. You can agree or disagree.. it is what it is. I carry no anger or regrets for not knowing.. they chose me and I was theirs.

I did go through all the oodles of red tape that's involved in getting my "non identifying information" from the state of California. It's ridiculous and just makes you want to cry with frustration over what you have to go through to get your own birth information. It took well over a year of mailing various notarized letters, phone calls, a few hoops jumped through but by golly, I got it. My case worker pulled my dusty little file out of the archives and gave me what little information she could without revealing my birth parents' identity. There's a form you fill out and send to the state that gets put into that file that authorizes contact. My birth mom did not fill it out but I did, in case she ever decides to find me.

The case worker noted my file was quite slim as I was only a month old when I was placed. She gave me a physical description of my birth mom: round face, blue eyes, brown hair, 5' 4 3/4"-that pretty much describes me - go figure. She was from back east, all her family was there and had moved to CA on her own. She had no relatives on the west coast. She was working as a waitress, met a customer and they dated for about 6 months. She was attracted to his sense of humor and really liked him. When she found out she was pregnant and told him he took off and she never heard from him again (bottom line.. the birth father = complete jerk). She was only 25 years old.

She knew she could not afford to give me the life I deserved and decided to put me up for adoption. She refused to see me at birth (couldn't bear it) but still waffled back and forth about keeping me. Finally, she came to the realization she could not afford to properly care for me and the day she signed the relinquishment papers at the Los Angeles County office, she could hardly keep herself together. At one point my reports states it took her "some time to compose herself enough to even leave the office". I've read that part over and over again and it always brings me to tears. It's a snapshot in time of a girl, alone and her heart is breaking over me. I cannot even begin to imagine her pain.

Yes, I did search for her. If anything else to say, "Thank You" for such an excruciating sacrifice she made for me and to let her know I could not have asked for a better life. Also, it sure would be cool to find out her medical history. Unfortunately, my birth name is quite common and the "search angels" that are out there on the Internet that help for free were unable to come up with anything. I checked with an investigator and was quoted $3500. In my book that is a bit steep for a search with no guarantees.

So, now DH and I are in the same boat Mama and Daddy were almost 40 years ago when they brought me into their lives. Home Study, first aid classes, older than most couples trying to start a family.. the whole ball of wax. Me, a Los Angeles County Baby, awaiting and praying for her County Baby. Full Circle, indeed..