Little Miss Smarty Pants

We've got to have at least 3 credit hours each month to maintain our certification. It's basically reading fost/adopt related books, watching some tv shows (Super Nanny is on the approved list) or specific movies, filling out a form (what we learned, etc) and turn them in on time. We can also get hours by attending discussions and there are web sites you can choose subjects and take quick courses (for a small fee). My favorite is FC&AC ("Foster Care & Adoptive Community"). You have to be careful, the downloads are only good for a week (I learned that one the hard way). If you purchase one, print it, read it and take the test. Don't lollygag.

I'm starting to love the convenience of Netflix and had "Juno" delivered in 1 day. It's a recommended movie and heck, I've been wanting to see it anyway. Friday=movie night. That'll be good for 1.5 hours and we've both got books we're about to finish so September is covered. Yay.

Hey, I bet if I don't get our paperwork faxed in on time THE PHONE WOULD RING THEN, right? Then I could be all snarky and act like I thought they lost my number so we didn't bother..

Ya, that would show 'em..

An Official Card Carrying Club Member

Our cards and certificate arrived today stating that we are officially foster parents for the County Dept of Social Services. Of course I got all teary eyed. I read our certificate that states we are allowed 2 children between the ages of .. 12 to 18 years old. Huh? After all the questions, forms and more questions they still didn't get it right. I'll be dropping an email to our home study worker tonight to make sure that gets straightened out. Wonder how long that'll take.. Oy! Our placement worker is coming to the house next Wednesday to check out our digs and hammer out the details all over again. Weeee!

It Rang It Rang!

The phone works and she called! The good news is our next worker IS "J" from training and I'm totally psyched about that. She's a straight shooter and tells it like it is. She wants to come by some evening next week and firm up the questions they still have.

I've got to remind them to call me on my cell or at work. Rather than me coming home, getting her message, returning the call the following day and her return it back to the house.. that outta speed things up a bit. Phone tag drives me mad.

Hello? Is This Thing On??

So last Wednesday was the big day and we officially received our certification. Our Home Study Worker finally returned my call late that night with the good news and advised that the next round of workers would be calling very soon. Apparently they still needed to nail down a few specifics to get a clearer picture of what we think we can and cannot handle behavior and health wise (even though we filled out their gazillion page form that pretty much says it all).

We chose ages 3 and under, 1 or 2 children (sibs) and are willing to work with a host issues that occur with neglected and abused children (with guidance from the county on educating ourselves on whatever the kids placed with us suffer from). We both work full time are somewhat limited to what we can handle (especially time wise) and needed to be honest with ourselves. It sure would have been great to take on a bit more and if I was a stay at home our choices would have been different.

If we can handle our 2 without completely losing our minds (they're half gone as it is) and do adopt, I am thinking we may continue to foster since we have room and the need is so great. It is definitely nothing we can commit to yet as we're going into completely uncharted territories but is something I'm considering to propose to DH down the line. I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and am trying to be a grown up about this whole process (not an easy task). Note to self: Baby Steps.

That all being said, I've checked our phones repeatedly (they're in fine working order) but we have yet to hear from anyone. Perhaps we're at the "bottom of the list" because we're out of county? It's not like we're half way across the state for crying out loud.. we're right next door. We can't get "The Call" if they aren't 100% sure about what we're capable of handling, right? From what I've read on other blogs, it's a sure sign of things to come so I 'spose I'll keep working on that silly old patience thing I keep hearing about. Blah.

Next time I'll have them define what being called back "very soon" really means so there's no confusion on my part again. ;o)

This Just In..

We're Officially Certifiable (er, certified!)

We got the call late last night and (after 7 months, 1 week and 4 days since this little odyssey began) we're in like Flynn. Our official certificates will be mailed today and now things will really start to get rolling.

Another round of workers will be getting in touch with us to clarify a few points of information and guiding us from here on out. One of which is gal that was our trainer .. that rocks because we really liked her. "J" has been a social worker for over 25 years, an advocate for children, has fostered and adopted, pulled no punches and told it like it was during training (much to the dismay of others). There was no sugar coating with that one and I think it will be to our benefit down the road.

Why does it feel like we're at the bottom of the tallest mountain ever, looking up? Because we are, I suppose..

I'm A Murphy's Law Kinda Girl

Our Home Study Worker ("D") is "presenting us" to the Board for their vote on our certification this Wednesday (1 day, 17 hours, 44 minutes and a few seconds.. not that I'm counting..). Our lives are splayed open for them to pour over and scrutinize and they will quiz her on all kinds of things about us. We've read her final report to check for any errors and let me tell you what, that little girl must have taken shorthand because it looked like she was barely "jotting" stuff down as we spoke during our interviews. Boy, did I get that wrong! She got every last bit of what we said.. it's a tad unnerving to say the least. The good, the bad and the oh so ugly right there for a panel of strangers to pick apart. Lovely.I'm one of those plan-ahead types... I put out "fires" at work before they happen (or try to, anyway) and attempt to catch muff ups before the mistake ruins a decent work day (don't get me wrong, I overlook my fair share of things and boy does that peeve me off). Here is the potentially huge bonfire I see happening this Wednesday:Our HSW has been on vacation since around the 4th of July. She arrives home late tomorrow and will be running into her office in just enough time to grab the last bits of paperwork we need for certification (that I've faxed in since our final home check) before flying over to where ever the Board (the Great Oz) convenes. She is "confident" all the paperwork will be in her basket when she gets there.. Oh my gosh.. HELLO? Can anyone else see the potential for the major ball drop here or is it just me? I plan on having every last bit of the original paperwork on hand in my office in case something didn't make it to that basket..Now I get to wrack my pea brain for the next 1.5 days trying to think of other things that could potentially go awry. The smack-across-the-forehead/why-didn't-I-think-of-that stuff. Argh.Murphy has spoken (and I am listening!!).

Parallel Lives

Exactly 39 years ago, Mom and Dad were floating in the exact adoption boat we in are today. All their classes were completed, the back round checks done, they finished their home study and (I found out recently), Mama actually went to work as a nanny part time to get a handle on being a mommy. They had just received their certification and were awaiting "the call" from the county.

Back then, infertility was an embarrassment and I'm told Mama felt shameful for not being able to carry a baby to term. It wasn't something openly discussed (not in our family, anyway) and adoption was no where near the rage it is nowadays. Things were different back then and, as cold as it sounds today, they wanted a child that looked like them. Although Mom was Mexican, she had auburn hair, brown eyes and freckles and Daddy was a Euro mix with blond hair and blue eyes. They wanted a child that fit into that groove .. Apparently, they didn't want anyone to question my lineage at the grocery store..

In July of 1969, their call came. I was a month old and living in what has been described as a county home. I'm not sure if that was like an orphanage or a foster home. In my non-id info an excerpt from our first meeting was noted. It is written that the moment Mom and Dad saw me there were tears of joy as I was scooped up, held and cooed over. It was love at first sight. Dad's comment was that they were on, "Cloud Nine" and Mama beamed through her tears. The workers gave them my formula, went over my daily routine and loaded Dad down with diapers and other essentials. I went home with them that very day and everyone involved was thrilled.

Fast forward to 2008. Here we sit, waiting for our vote this Wednesday for certification. Another "ancient" couple ready to open their hearts and home to a child (or children). Yet again, I'm wishing Mama was here to be a part of our journey and to hear of hers. It's times like this that make me miss her even more...

Crossing The Border..

Why in the world did we decided to work with the county adjacent to ours, rather than stick with our own? It was simply a matter of a returned phone call..

It all started when I quizzed one of our vets on her adoption experience. We've taken our dogs to her for years (when you have 5 mutts you're on a first name basis, believe me) and she went through the program with our county and had a very positive fost/adopt experience. So much so, she spoke for them at various functions, assisting them with their recruiting efforts.

Unfortunately, by the time our adoption plan went into effect, the program and the wonderful workers that had been there for years had completely fallen apart. Word has it there was major drama, people walked, they were understaffed and everything was nuts. I called the recruiter, would leave messages, waited... and waited some more. I left a message every day for one gentleman only to be called a week later and told that he no longer held that position, applauded my tenacity and gave me yet another name and number. I spent another week leaving messages until I finally gave up. We know we're going to be at the bottom of the pecking order when we're certified, but hello? Being that ignored so early in the game sent up huge red flags.

I called my vet, disheartened. She recommended I try The Other County and gave me their phone number. Within 45 minutes of leaving a message I got a return phone call and was signed up for the Family Share Night the following week. Weeks later in training when asked why we had chosen to go with them and not stick with our own county, they loved my little story. Cindy, the main recruiter (a foster mom that had adopted a very challenging 13 year old who now in her 20's and in college) self high 5'd herself. She was very pleased to hear her persistent efforts paid off. She still emails regularly and was thrilled to hear we're --> <-- close to being certified. When we finally have children placed with us, we will be required to take them to weekly supervised visits with their birth parents and to other various appointments. If we were in county, they would provide transportation to and from the day care we have them in. Since we're not, it's on us. Well, me as I'm closest (DH has a commute that is well over an hour away). Thank the Good Lord the company I have worked for for the past 12 years is family owned, are 100% behind us and will accommodate my future goofy schedule (my boss gave me away at our wedding.. we're all pretty tight and I love them dearly).

The only downside to all this.. there is going to be A LOT of running around to do, I drive a gas guzzling suv and suffer from leaden footitus. If someone with half a brain drove it properly, my little go cart would probably get 16 mpg.. I probably average 12 (on a good day). At almost $4.00 a gallon here in CO, it will be costly (but it's oh so worth it!!).

Postponed...

Our vote by the Board for certification has been pushed back until July 16th.. this picture pretty much reflects the mood... sigh..

Compassion.. Mama's Ongoing Project

One of Mama's many life lessons she wanted to instill in me was compassion:

A profound and positive human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering....

During a 2 day training course with the county we did a mock trial of a gal losing her child to the system to get a glimpse of what all goes on. It was based on a true case and was a real eye opener, to say the least. Each of our 4 tables was assigned a task. One was "Tonya" and her lawyers (played by our recruiter who could have won an award for her performance), we were the treatment team that gave the court recommendations of what we saw needed to happen before we would allow her to gain custody of her daughter (with the help of a real social worker because hey, we had no idea what we were doing), one table was the foster home and the other was the judge. Each table had one person speaking for them.

One of the goals of the exercise was to see the birth mom's side, as well. She begged and pleaded for her child back and had every excuse in the book for why she was unable to complete her requirements (no ride to the ua's, had gone to 18 interviews but no one would hire her, everyone was against her, etc). They were flimsy excuses at best and you know judges and social workers hear the same ones all day every day. She started out doing okay but as time went on, it slowly fell apart. Every 90 days when her review came up you could see her starting the slow spiral out of control. In the end, she cried as she relinquished her parental rights and both DH and I were in tears (as were most of the group in training that day). A true story and that plays out every day in courts across the nation.. just heartbreaking.

One aspect of this whole process we do have compassion for is, amazingly enough, the addicted birth parent. Prior to meeting, DH and I both were in a relationship with a person that had substance abuse problems. Have you heard someone say, ".. but they're totally great when they're clean and sober" and you roll your eyes? We actually lived it and, by golly, it's true. They both had children from a previous marriage and would have died for them. Neither had custody (for obvious reasons) and lived for the time they got to spend with their children. Unfortunately, their drug of choice was so beyond more powerful than them that, almost every time their kids were visiting, they would go off on a binge. It's just astounding what complete control the drug has and how it's a wrecking ball through everyones' lives. It's constant drama, to put it lightly.

Although kind of an odd thing to have in common (an ex as an addict), it is one of the many things that brought DH and I together. We both tried to "save someone" and found out the hard way it's impossible to do. We both relish in the calmness of being regular Joe Shmoe Homebodies as we've seen the wild side and have no interest in revisiting that side of the tracks. We did learn, however, that under the horrible and downright mean things an addict does, lies a person that would do anything to quit. They are not the monster but are totally controlled by one.

I remember in the midst of the crazy that was once my life crying out to God, "WHY?!?" and feeling utter hopelessness. Sitting at that table in training with tears in my eyes as "Tonya" begged for her kids back was an, "Ah Ha Moment!" when another of my life's little puzzle pieces fell into place. Compassion had kicked in and both DH and I got it. Had I known back then what I know now it would have made perfect sense. The 6 years of what seemed like endless drama was leading me to that table in the basement of a church for those 2 days of intense training. The Good Lord (and Mama) didn't want me looking down my nose from my high horse at the addicted parent who couldn't provide basic needs but to take pity and have compassion. That was "Why".

We will have to deal with a real "Tonya" sometime soon and I had better keep that shoe and other foot handy..