And Nearly 2 Weeks After The Adoption..

I am finally posting something!  WOOT!  You would think things would've chilled and become manageable by now but noooooo.

Here's a little ditty I would like to share. Since Little Buddy was on Spring Break during the adoption, we celebrated with his class the following week. The kids (fellow students he has known for the last year and a half) all made him Adoption Day cards and read them to him. Pictured sitting beside him is his awesome Principal.. a man that came along side him his very first day, has been a wonderful role model and a good buddy.

We're blessed to have angels everywhere, let me tell ya..

After the beautiful cards were read, they sat at their tables and sang him songs.  Auntie MooMoo, Nantie (she came down from Graceland in Cheyenne!) and I sugared the kids out with cupcakes, ice cream and pop....

 Then we sent them home, teeth a-buzzin' and completely spazzed out.

It was a great afternoon!

Jack O' Lanterns In March...

Who Knew?

6 Months Ago Today..

My Heart Shattered...

Today, it soared.

God is so good!

My Mostest Favoritest Thank You Card..

EV-ER

Pay Attention!

Because a minute ago she couldn't talk..
And now she jabbers up a storm.

An hour ago, he would explode over anything,
And now he says, "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" .. taking things in stride.

A day ago she hummed her ABC's.. 
And now she's almost got them mastered.

("...ELEMENOPEEEE!" sung the loudest)

A month ago, he struggled to read...
And now he's so confident he is teaching baby sister.

Try not to look away, it passes so quickly..

Do not take it for granted.

2011 taught me what a precious gift time truly is..

Try not squander it.

Now THIS Is The Way...

To Start The Day!!!

Actually, a heck of a way to start the YEAR.. Great first post of 2012, if I do say so, myself.. 

(Little Buddy couldn't quite get "Thankful" to fit... LOL)

Tebow Time ~ Full Circle Style...

Uncle JoeJoe and Auntie D (Matt's younger brother and his darling wife) are in town .. the kiddos had a BLAST breaking the rules...



And scoring touchdowns!!  :-)

My Shining Star...

Latest Haps ...

Well, we made it past the one month mark since Matt's passing (on 9/11 of all things) and are hanging in there.  Good days and a few bad days as y'all can imagine... but we're adjusting and pressing forward.  LittleBuddy has had a pretty tough time but oh my goodness, the poor little guy has been through the wringer.  He seems to be past the first "hump" of turmoil and is snapping out of the pouty bad moods (and rages) quicker.  I told our social worker it feels like we're starting to lean forward (rather than taking steps back).

Thank GOD!

LB is spending the weekend with their older, 1/2 brother ("Freckles") and his family.  The only bio fam the kiddos have that is healthy and safe ... and I completely adore them.  It's a win win.  So, SweetPea and I have spent this Saturday morning snuggling, streaming Sesame Street and singing along... 

And having a wonderful time, might I add...

In other news... 

 I fixed the Big TV last night

(it mysteriously went out the night Matt passed) 

and we're rockin' Ernie and friends in style

(and surround..)

LittleBuddy will be PSYCHED ... Did I earn a new MomBadge?

Dang Goo...

So I thought I had fought the goo and won.. but I was wrong. I'm sick as all get out. My lack of sleep, inconsistent meals and stress these past three weeks have undoubtedly compromised the old immune system. At least I have the three day weekend to rest before I go back to work (part time), right?

Well, kind of.

Although he knows some fun activities planned for later in the weekend are on the line, LittleBuddy continues to pull out the stops.  He did have his weekly therapy session on Thursday and yesterday he saw one of his fave social workers (where he poured out his anger/sadness over Daddy).  He is raw, too.. and taking it out on me.

Naturally.

Sometimes I feel my nose is at water level but other times, strong as an oak tree.  There is no rhyme or reason why I burst out into tears or can speak frankly about what all is happening.  It will take a couple years to get back to normal again.  Whatever that is.  But somehow we'll get there by the grace of God..

Exhale...

Zausted...

As Little Buddy would say.

This weekend LB was a train wreck of emotions. As we anticipated, he is all over the board and has taken several steps back. The really tough part is not only is he in turmoil but I'm raw as well.  For the record, LB knows what buttons to push and going for broke. I'm certain part of his belief is that I'm leaving next. Everyone in his short life that has told him they love him is gone, so let's just get this over with. On top if it all, he is grieving the loss of his Daddy but before the sadness comes anger.

Big Time.

So here I sit. The children are off to school, the house is quiet and I'm numb with exhaustion. For now, I'm shutting out the voices telling me my home is too large to manage and I have to sell it. For crying out loud, I can't even move the jeans DH has hanging on the hook in the bathroom.

For now I stuff back the fear of what the future holds for us financially and otherwise.  My faith put to the test in a huge way, the bigger question is can I withstand, dig deep and find strength to lead this family of mine?

This is so not the happily ever after I thought was finally in reach.  I wasn't supposed to be a young widow or single mom adopting two children. But suddenly I am and all I can do is press forward from here.. day, hour, minute at a time.

I have no other option.

Sploosh...

Sitting still hasn't been my forte here these last few weeks. I've got to keep moving moving... especially when I have the kids. I can't stop and think because if I do, reality sets in and it's way more than I can bear. Trust me, I have my private moments.. rage, hysterical sobbing, deep grief.. the works. That's normal and ok but again, in private.  They have seen our grief but not the really heavy stuff.




Today a dear friend and her son met up with us at a local splash park and the kids ran amuck. 

It was awesome. 

The boys got their spin on..

Then they got their splash on..

And a little princess learned that chivalry was not dead...





A big thank you to all the friends and family that continue to come by our side and walk through this with us.  We have a long road ahead but will heal one small step at a time.

But Summer Isn't Over Yet...

Yes, yesterday was the first day of school, however, Auntie MooMoo was having none of it. She and LittleBuddy spent a late afternoon hanging at a local reservoir w/ friends from her work.

That's my kinda Wednesday right thar.. let me tell you what..

The Talk

Our social worker (Tee) called us as soon as the termination hearing ended to give us the verdict.  She has been with the kiddos since day one (nearly two years) and I can say with total certainty I wasn't the only one in tears.  All this time she has been the one to give Little Buddy all the tough news ..  and Thursday was no exception.

Tee knows he can't process information that comes in a beat-around-the-bush, sugar coated style.  He needs blunt truth.  Although he had been talking about adoption for a few months, to hear it's officially happening was huge and world rocking.  Both in a good and bad way..  Can you imagine what a nearly seven year old feels hearing this?  Joy, abandonment, pain, grief, anger, relief, happiness...

A massively mixed bag.

She didn't want him to have any lingering fantasies that his Mom would be coming back for them and was purposefully clear, answering questions honestly.  It was absolutely heart breaking to watch my little man's eyes well up with tears as he nodded in understanding of what she was saying.  Her eyes welled up also.. how we all kept from bursting out crying is beyond me. 

We told him it's okay to feel the feelings that will come up.. he can be angry, sad and happy, reiterating as we always do that it's not their fault.  Their mom loves them dearly she just can't keep them safe.  We talked about me being adopted and my family, as well as their older brother (9 year old "Freckles") and what it all means.

"Being safe and part of a family that loves you forever," per Little Buddy.

As with everything in his short life, LB took the information in stride.  About an hour after Tee left he asked if we could call Auntie MooMoo (my SIL whom he has become very close to) to tell her the Big News.  When she answered the phone he yelled, "MOOOO... we're getting 'DOPTED!!!"  and I could hear her hootin' and a hollerin' from across the room.

Good stuff.

It has only been a few days since The Talk and all has been well.  We fully expect another cycle of some type of acting out but at least THIS time it's news that will allow forward motion.  LB is no longer stuck, not knowing if and when they will be uprooted.  His school is his school, his friends are his friends, his home is his home. 

He can finally exhale, too.

Dance Party...

Daddy out of town..

Disney Channel on Big TV...

"You Might Think" Video Comes On...

Speakers cranked WAAAYYY up..

Little Buddy and I BUST Some Serious MOVES..

I'm da BOMB because I already know ALL the words to the song..

Little does he know how old it really is...

Shhhh!

This night, Mommy ROCKS!

Fish Fish...

.. I Got My Wish!

And yes, they got thrown back..

All's Well That Ends Well...

Little Buddy arrived home early Sunday evening.  After hanging out for 20 minutes or so, Freckles and family departed with hugs and promises of seeing each other again soon.  Our concerns that LB would have an emotional melt down were all for not.. he was happily exhausted.  After a good soak in the tub, he headed for bed and was out like a light.

Happy hearts all around!

What Comes Between Mother's Day & Father's Day?

BROTHER'S DAY!!

Recently, the county granted us permission allowing Little Buddy to spend the night at his brother's house.  "Freckles" is 9 and lives with bio family that adopted him (healthy, wonderful people).  As soon as we got the green light arrangements were made and it's happening this weekend.  Can I just say that both boys are OVER the TOP excited to spend time together.

How cool is that?

I'm thrilled to report LB is doing much better.  The raging has passed.. looking back it was really more like a purging.  Of course, it's not perfect but hey, who's family is?  I do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel..

..and I'm fairly certain it's not an oncoming train!

Well Well, What Have We Here?

Oooooohhhh...

Aahhhhhhh...

Springtime in FULL SWING, that's what!

DADDY'S HOOOOMMEE!!

During LittleBuddy's HellaWeek, DH was away on business. In the middle of his raging I was feeling rather alone, however, looking back we both agree that it was best that Daddy wasn't around. LB is more reserved around hubs and he needed to let it all hang out (boy, did he ever).

Upon his triumphant return, rad gifts were presented...

LB wanted sand from the beach. Not only did he get sand, there's magic little shells in there, too (uuhh, look close)..


SweetPea is fascinated by fish. Her, "Bish in wawa!!" keeps her mesmerized for hours...


What was my gift? Why a

Of course!

I'm happy to report things have settled down significantly. LB has purged the latest round of demons and seems "lighter". We're back to our old, fairly drama-free routine. It's wonderful having Daddy home and things are as they should be.

THANK GOD!