Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Just Grieve

I liken this part of our journey to the death of a loved one. An emotional, exhausting roller coaster of loss, grief and even anger. It's much the same as when I lost Mama to cancer. Sometimes I can talk about it very matter of factly and other times the rush of tears comes from nowhere. Everything is out of our control and it's just a matter of time.

We knew this could happen from the get go and are very aware the county's number one priority is to reunite families. I can say without hesitation there is no amount of training that can prepare you fully for what is about to take place. We pray for their sakes mom will keep it together this time. We also cry a lot in private and keep the smiles-on for the kids.

No easy task.

A meeting will be held at the end of the month for all the workers assigned to our case. Social workers, the GAL and therapists. Jack and Jill's mom has done what has been asked by the court and there are no barriers to sending them home. All involved will be in agreement it's time.

The transition will begin.

Since they are so young things will happen rapidly. Longer visits, unsupervised visits, overnight visits then home. Two weeks tops. They will be gone forever as quickly as they came.

We will be asking mom for contact after the move and the ball will be in her court. We have no doubt she'll say no but will ask just the same.

Jill has more of a grasp of the impending change and showing signs of turmoil. Jack doesn't quite seem to get it. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what lies ahead and pray with all my might it goes as smoothly as possible. It's going to rock their world.

Ours, too.


Brett said...

I understand your feelings about this. I am on the other side of the fence however. with all the "errors" that happened in our case the children were ripped from our home. visitations went as scheduled for awhile then became spotty and erratic then nothing. I could tell you the truths about how crooked the authorities were on our case. but you probably would not believe me. but put yourself in the real parents position for a moment. your child(ren) being ripped from your home for false allegations or reasons that don't even fall into the books classifications. that will do more then just "rock their world" it will destroy everything they are.

I completely understand that there are cases that does justify removal in everyones book. But even they can reform. Just keep knowledge that the child is where they belong when they are with the family that fate or God (which ever you believe in) wanted them with in the first place and will be loved naturally.

Sheri said...

Melissa -- Know that you have been a wonderful blessing to these kids...just have they have been a wonderful blessing for you.

I am grieving with you and sending you loving, healing energy.

Kendra Field-Bennett said...

I'm so sorry, it's honestly the toughest part of fostering. Hang in there, you have provided a safe, loving home for these kids when they needed it most.
We have had a number of kids who we were devastated when they left, but if they had stayed we wouldn't have our boys. That I can't even imagine.
The child (children) who are meant to stay with you, will, you must believe that!

Bridget said...

Oh Melissa, I will keep you in my prayers..know that you have poured your heart into these two kids and they will never forget the impact you guys had on them. ((hugs)) your in my prayers as well as Jack and Jill.

Stella said...

I wish there were some words I could give you to lessen the pain you're feeling. Just know that I will thinking of you and praying for all you, including their mom, that this goes smoothly.

Anonymous said...

I don't have any words as I can't imagine the pain you must feel. Just know you're in my thoughts and thank you for being such a safe place for these children.

Nichole said...

I'm sad to hear that this is definite and I can't imagine how painful it must be. But I do know that you are a very strong woman and will be able to handle this the appropriate way. You will make this transition back home much easier for the children than some other foster adopt home might.

Some people are just meant to touch our lives for a moment in time and other's are meant for a lifetime.

Lavender Luz said...

Hey, Melissa.

You went into this with a totally open heart, and full knowledge that it might be broken. Not many people could do this and do it so graciously, and I salute you.

The fact that you continue to hold J&J's well-being as your guiding light reminds me of the King Solomon story. I'm not saying anyone is a False Mother, but that your doing so shows that you have the heart of a True Mother.


Anonymous said...

A word to Brent. I'm not following your logic that because your situation had "errors," it follows that Melissa's situation does as well.

And I'm not sure what you mean by "real parents" and "loved naturally." As opposed to plastic parents, and being loved like Red Dye #5?

Bren said...

I can't even express...I'm numb for you.

The only thing I can say is that you and DH were brought into Jack and Jill's life for a reason. And much like the death of our mothers, the reason will never be known. Such is the mystery of Faith. Love. Joy. Sadness.

I love you, Melissa. I'm here for you 365/24/7.

Anonymous said...

I can never imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you. Forever they will remember you and what you guys have done for them. Even at there small age you have made such an impact.

Diana - FreeStyleMama said...

You are on my EC widget right now, so I decided to visit (sorry it's been so long since I've been here.) Thank you for sharing your feelings about fostering and your placement coming to an end. As an adoptive parent I often think of my daughter's foster parents and wonder how they do what they do. They take baby after baby after baby and care for them for about 9 months or so and then the children get adopted by foreigners...never to be heard from or about again. It takes a very special person to be a foster parent. I pray that the pain in your heart is eased and thank you for all your wonderful work with the twins.

On a sidenote...I recently sent a letter & photos to China with another family who actually was in contact with their foster family. They might be friends with the people who cared for my I hope they get the update. I want them to have photos and know how much we appreciate the care they provide for children.

Kellie said...

I read your blog and was heartbroken when I read your post. I can' imagine how hard this must be for you and your husband. You are in my prayers!

Ms.Christy said...

I just read this. My heart is breaking for you and the kids. I will be praying. Love-christy

Wendy Whitlow said...

Hey Melissa,
It is always a blessing when families can get it together well enough for their children to be reunited...but it doesn't necessarily lesson the pain of all the lives they've touched just by being a part of your family. Stay is comforting to know there are people in the world like you. I will say a prayer now...


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