Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Walk The Line..


Parenting kiddos that have been traumatized can be a really tricky feat.  They could be acting out because of turmoil.. they are upset, don't know why (can't verbalize it) and lash out.  LittleBuddy once called it feeling "all jumbled up inside..."  Because of where we're at in the case, our little man still can't be told what his future holds.  Legally, his parents' rights are intact.  Can you imagine how scary that must be?  He doesn't know how long he's going to be here or if they are going to get moved again.

Absolutely frightening.

Most days here it's fairly smooth sailing.  Most.  DH was out of town on business all last week and that threw our little village off.   Between him being gone, our C.A.S.A. visiting the kids, lack of sleep, the crazy summer school schedule and LB's constant "jumble", it was pretty rough.  He didn't act out as badly as when hubs was in San Diego (THANKTHEGOODLORDABOVE) but it was still rough.

Bearing in mind the trauma LB has endured, I walk a very fine parental line.  I've got to be sensitive, compassionate and understanding, but not allow him to go overboard.  There have to be consequences at times .. he can't go on thinking that some types of behaviours are acceptable and he can get away with it. 

The tricky part is that it's all in the moment (read: when MY head is about to explode I have to somehow stay regulated).  At the very moment he is acting out I have to quickly ask myself,  "Is it a trigger from something that happened in his past, his DNA, he's missing someone, lack of sleep..  or just because he's being a normal, almost 7 year old boy?"

Kids will be kids and test us .. no matter what their past looks like.  Our boundaries have to remain crystal clear, consistent and fair.  All the while gotta try to keep a cool head and not getting sucked into the argument of the moment...

Because you're mine.. I walk the line..

3 comments:

Debbie Schwartz said...

Mel,

Once again, I am in awe of you and your parenting skills. These children (and all the others you have fostered) are so fortunate that in the midst of all the turmoil they have landed in your home - even if it turns out to be temporary.

I hope that you will be forever parents before too long...

-Debbie

Kristin said...

That's an awfully tough line to walk even with kids you've given birth to. Kudos to you and the wonderful job you are doing.

Lavender Luz said...

Love this post. It's as if Johnny Cash had your situation in mind when he wrote the song.

 

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