JuneBug ~ An Update

I came up for air long enough last night to realize a year ago this week, JuneBug was transitioning away. I dropped her bio family an email to check in and send hugs and kisses. I am thrilled to report she is doing great, has managed to stay out of a cast all year long and will be adopted by them very soon. And she is still sporting a fav pair of pink cowgirl boots!

JuneBug ~ Good News!

Got an update from JuneBug's family and I'm thrilled to report she is doing great! They've conquered potty training, she is loving preschool and blossoming with each passing day. Weekly appointments to a foot therapist are going well and she has not been in a cast for sometime now!

WOOHOO!

The family continues to struggle with decisions they are having to make. Bottom line: They can't make everyone happy and keep her safe at the same time (and it's all about her, so "they" will have to deal). There is a chance they will be back in town in the next few months and we're hoping to get together.

Can't Wait!

Please continue to keep them in your good thoughts and prayers for strength and peace.

A Prayer For JuneBug's Family

As some of you may recall, our darling JuneBug went to live with family members last May. In her mere 2 1/2 years of life, she has experienced more drama than most of us do in a lifetime. That little blue eyed pixie is a survivor and a trooper beyond comprehension.

She's my little hero.

Word has it they've hit a rough spot and I am asking for your prayers. This is a time when her family needs strength and peace to do what needs to be done to ensure her safety and well being. They are kind, tender hearted people and I know decisions they make on her behalf are going to create a firestorm. Although it seems very cut and dry, it's not. They don't want to upset anyone but it's all about JuneBug.. no one else.

Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as it is a very difficult time for all involved.

Oh No.. Not Again!!

Got an update from JuneBug's family and y'all are NOT going to believe this. She is now sporting a NEON GREEN walking cast. She slipped and fell and fractured her shin. Same leg, to boot.

Poor little Boo!!!

The good news? Once again she has been a tough little trooper (and no stranger to a cast).

:(

Sending prayers up for a quick recovery!!

Got Cast?

NNNAAAYYYY!!!

Life is really really good in JuneBugLand!!



*insert melting heart here*

:o)

Joyful Grieving?

Is it possible to be utterly heartbroken and joyful all at the same time?

Why yes.. yes it is.

We have received more emails (and even photos) from JuneBug's family since they arrived home. I am over-the-top happy to report she continues to do really well. Not a single hitch in her little giddy up. There will surely be bumps along the way but for now, all is well.

Grin.

This has been the perfect placement. Every step along the way in this case was as it should've been.. from her receiving home, to us and now home for good.

We pray.

That all being said, the house is still sadly quiet and even Bug's best buddy (Cassie-the doberman) wanders around looking for his little girl. We miss her dearly and yes, I still cry at the drop of a hat. All it takes is something as simple as finding a little sock in my robe pocket and the tears come. Joyful grieving at it's finest.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

Goodbye Sweet Princess...

Seeing JuneBug with her family last night and again this morning has truly brought us all comfort. They are phenomenal and there is no doubt she will flourish in their loving home. The sky is the limit for our little pixie.

As ya'll can imagine, saying goodbye wasn't easy but there were tears of joy mixed in with the sad ones. Her family is so grateful and we are confident they will stay in touch. We know we were just a little part of God's big plan for JuneBug and consider it an honor being her bridge from what was to what is meant to be.

And now the house is quiet. Really quiet. Today I will do nothing more than watch chick flicks, stay in my comfies and enjoy a glass (or two) of chilled Pinot Gris later this afternoon. I was hoping to be motivated to get something accomplished but the reality is that's just not happening. I am absolutely spent .. mentally, physically, emotionally.

The tank is empty.

Tomorrow a little piece of my heart will board a plane. Up up up in the clouds and away. I will forever miss her sassy attitude, hysterical sense of humor and, most of all, being her Mommy Lady. What a privilege.

Goodbye sweet darling.. Mommy Wissa, Daddy and Nana will love you always.

Reflections...

I will never forget the day we met and clearly remember the very moment I first laid eyes on you. Cute as a button, not so sure about Nana (Nantie) and me and hanging close to Rosie (your first Foster Mommy). But you felt safe and warmed up quickly..

My heart melted.

In no time at all you became the Princess that reigns over all.. (even Cassie)..

No, it has not been an easy journey and we had our fair share of bumps in the road. Okay, pretty big pot holes .. but that is to be expected. My hope of hopes is your little soul will remember the good times and know we did our very best by you.

I don't know what I'll miss the most but hanging in our jammies on Saturday mornings will be one, for sure. I loved having my baby girl right by my side and not being rushed (okay, the sippy cup getting slammed on my keyboard and ruining my "r" .. not so much.. but everything else for sure-LOL).


You will spend time with your family today and tonight will be our last night together. Your newest journey begins (plane trip and all) but this time you're going home. For good. We know you will be cherished, safe, healthy and happy. Honestly, knowing how bright your future will be is what's getting me through this. I pray the Good Lord watches over you and your family and peace comes to your heart soon.

Ours, too.

Two Words...

Buh-Bye..

Castoff

WHUPS...

I mean.. CAST OFF.. TODAY!! 2PM MST... It has been a month since her surgery and if JuneBug's foot has healed properly, she'll be struttin' her stuff in a smaller walking cast this very afternoon!

Holding Breath. Send us some of that positive juju and say them prayers with me, ya'll!!!

Stay tuned..

Today...

I am working on JuneBug's Goodbye Book. I lost a boat load of pictures when the hard drive on my laptop crashed, but I still have some. Yes, I lost all the pictures of the twins (we're talking hundreds) that I hadn't saved to my Kodak Gallery account, as well. Don't even start on me about backing up.. I got the lecture already (and was none too happy about it, I might add).

Are ya'll feeling my cranky vibes?

Today Bug and I are headed to the store to stock up for our Mother's Day brunch. Gramsie and Nantie's beautiful delights have arrived, we'll get cards and meander the aisles. And drive slowly. No rushing now. If she wants to stop and look at something, by golly, we'll stop. By this time next week she'll be gone. It almost hurts to breathe when I think about it.

So I won't..

Hopefully some sunshine and fresh air will help clear away some of my blue funk. For now we smile to mask the grief and turn away when the tears come. Laughter fills the house but it blankets deep sadness. We are chatting-up the family coming soon to see her, fun plane rides and how much they love her. My head totally gets the move.. these types of placements are what the county strives for.

It's my heart that needs convincing. Real quick like.

Breathe

This week has been a blur and now with the micro-transition in place for next week, the grieving has officially begun. Spending as much time with JuneBug as humanly possible is top priority (all the while attempting not to burst into tears). I can say without hesitation, this is the hardest part of the process.

Hands Down..

Will write more tomorrow during her nap.

Please Prepare For Takeoff...

... because JuneBug's next big adventure is about to begin..

We got word JuneBug's bio family are offically approved. Her cast gets removed next week and they will arrive by week's end. Me and our RFT are holding firm that even a mini-transition is better than none at all.

And so it begins..

Again..

Please put your tray tables in their full and upright position...

Today's Answered Prayers

This day can be described in one word: phenomenal. Miss JuneBug went to sleep on time last night (zero fight) and didn't wake up until morning. No crying (or screaming) .. not even ONCE. Massive melt downs today? ZILCH! She has been her sweet, darling self and we're relieved (and grateful).

KEEP THE PRAYERS AND GOOD THOUGHTS COMING.. PLEASE!

:o)

The Storm Before The Calm...

I've got to be honest, life in our humble abode is tumultuous at best. Our little blonde haired blue eyed pixie is on a massive emotional roller coaster (the likes we've never seen before). JuneBug has been running Nantie absolutely ragged every single day. Not only do we have a 2 1/2 year old (they're wild enough as it is) but add trauma to the mix and DNA that undoubtedly has not just anger but all-out fury issues and it's a recipe for some disastrous days. Then there's the whole immobility thing. Oh.. ya..THAT..

Although we don't talk about it, we're fairly certain she is sensing something is going on (the pending move) and is none too happy about it. On top of all this she has to try to deal with the visits (which are either okay or downright horrible) and how on earth does she even start to process all that stuff??!

I'll tell you: Inconsolable Rage.

Poor Nantie is on the front lines all day long and let me tell ya, it's no walk in the park. She is a saint. She'll be the first to say she isn't but I beg to differ. Please keep our dearest Nantie and JuneBug in your prayers for peace and comfort.

Word on the street is big changes are on the horizon and we may be spinning with her next move in a couple weeks. This is going to be the crazy before she can settle.. another stressful situation to endure before she can finally (FINALLY) be home for good. Poor sweet, innocent baby. She doesn't deserve any of this and it is heart breaking to witness.

Two Weeks Down ~ Two To Go...

And that dang cast gets removed.. we hope! If JuneBug's recovery is on track she will stroll out of the doctor's office sporting a walking cast.

Please Lord Please.

All things considered, she is doing really well. Once into everything, she is now immobile and having to adjust to chilaxing. She can focus longer on a single activity and actually has a few movies of choice that she can almost watch all the way through. She still loves her books and snuggling on the couch with her Nana (Nantie) is another fav past time.


I have spoken with the RFT (our worker) and voiced my concern over not having a transition week. It is her job to schedule them and was clearly NOT happy the ongoing worker wasn't considering one. She said something along the lines of, "Oh, the bio family will come out for a week and they WILL have a proper transition.."

Booyah!

Here's my beef: JuneBug was comfortable around the family but honestly didn't know them from Adam. We have no doubt they adore her and I'm sure she sensed the loving vibes. That being said, my gut says Bug did okay with them because we were present and it was "safe". If she recognized them off the bat I would have no problem with them picking her up, hopping on a plane and jetting home once the paperwork is complete. But she didn't and I strongly feel she needs a transition with them just like she had with us.

No ifs, ands or buts about it.

SO, once again I have stirred the pot and will probably tick off the workers that don't feel a week of bonding prior to leaving is necessary. Oh, and the family, too. Can ya'll tell I'm really broken up about all that??

AS IF!

Mama's New Digs...

So, remember last week when I briefly mentioned JuneBug couldn't walk for the next 4 (FOUR) weeks? Well.. here's the rest of the story..

We were originally told she would be able to bear weight on her cast a week or so after surgery. We thought, "Holy cow, how are we going to keep her down THAT long?" Sigh. The surgeon had not seen JuneBug since their first visit in January and apparently back then she was walking on the side of her foot. In the months since it has self-corrected and the surgery was going to be less evasive (which meant less time under anesthesia, less pain and she didn't have to spend the night at the hospital.. Hooray!). The new game plan? They were going to move the tendon from one side of the foot to the other to pull it into the correct position. That's it. It's an itsy bitsy little thing and the slightest bit of pressure can blow it out.

Fast forward to post-op low down with nurse..

So, Nantie and I are getting the skinny on the do's and don'ts before discharge. That is when we were told she couldn't walk for a month. Mind you, by that point we had been going like gangbusters for nearly 12 hours and it had been a beyond stressful day on many levels (even had some MamaDrama thrown in for good measure).

We.Were.Baked.

Ya, our heads about exploded. The kicker was when I picked myself up off the floor (.. er, I mean the information started to sink in) and asked the nurse for some advice on keeping our toddler occupied (ie: confined) her response? She shrugged her shoulders and wished us luck.

Seriously.

One of our big concerns out of the shoot was her bedroom. Our old routine was we left her bedroom door open with a baby gate up for security and a monitor so we could hear her throughout the house. Presurgery, after she awoke and was done playing with books and toys she would stand at the gate and holler, "I WAKE UP!!!" (very cute, I might add).

Obviously, we needed a Plan B because that wasn't going to fly. This is what we came up with...

Baby Bear is now next to the wall and Mama Bear is beside her. I am able to provide comfort in the middle of the night and be that barrier between her and the rest of the world. Oh, and our 14 year old mostly blind min pin (Miss CoCo) joins us as well. JuneBug has taken great delight in our girls-only slumber parties. We're averaging about 3 hours of sleep at a time..

Once again, I am thanking the Good Lord above for makeup and coffee.

Bottom Line: We're flying by the seat of our pants but hanging in. Lil Bug continues to be an absolute trooper (yes, we have our moments but hello? She has been through the ringer). Poor little thing has even more to deal with on the horizon. The county is waiting on just a couple more bits of paperwork to come through and she'll get the green light to move.

Please keep her in your prayers.

This Is How We Rock..

(and roll) a Friday night..

Just try to keep up..

My, What A Difference A Day Makes...

Monday Morning: Packed and ready to hit the road..


Tuesday Morning: Kickin' it on the couch..


Yesterday was huge and exhausting.. and JuneBug was a complete trooper. So much so it brings tears to my eyes. Bio fam was there, so was our worker, CASA and I thank the Good Lord Nantie was there, as well.

Yes, that little bit of pink on her foot is a cast.. one that goes all the way up to her bootie. She has to stay off of it for 4 (FOUR) weeks! We're still not sure how we're going to convince our crazy-active 2 1/2 year old of that. We have her in the stroller in the house and are contemplating a Radio Flyer wagon.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Crazayzy ~ Round 1 ...

Later this morning JuneBug's family will arrive from out of state. Rather than swinging by their hotel and checking in, they will be coming straight to our home from the airport. As you can imagine, they're dying to see Little Bug. Our social worker will be coming here, as well.

Yes my friends, it's a Sunday ShinDing County-Style.

Unfortunately, they will be here right as she is supposed to be going down for a nap. If she is still up I hope (for their sake) she's not wearing her Cranky Pants. Then again, they'll get a good taste of what they're in for..

Just sayin'...

As odd as it might sound, I look forward to meeting them. They seem to be awesome people and we've established a nice rapport. My hope is what little time JB gets to spend with them now will somehow help familiarize her with them enough to make her departure from here less traumatic. Doubtful but that's my prayer. Once the final paperwork hits our worker's desk, they will fly back out and off they will go with her. There will be no transition.

Did I mention that could happen in the next couple weeks?

For now it's business as usual.. no hints that massive change is in the air. We're kickin' it watching Charlie & Lola, enjoying bagels and juice .. and watching out for elk and bunnies, of course..


But if you listen closely you can hear bits of my heart starting to break.