Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Love You But Don't Come Near Me..

DH, Nantie and I all have very different rolls in our household. Nantie spends the most time with the children, runs them to various appointments and is firm but very loving. She is like a grandmother and they love her from the tops of their heads to the tips of their toes.

The kids never had much of a father figure to speak of and they adore DH. He's like their personal jungle gym/teddy bear. Their screeches of delight when he comes home are at a pitch that only dogs can hear. When he speaks, they listen. When he tickles them they about pee their pants. DH rocks.

Then there's me. I am the rule maker and the not-so-fun-one. Don't get me wrong, we giggle and play but I'm fairly certain I'm seen as The Warden. I'm the mother figure but they already have a mom and have an allegiance to her. It's like almost cheating on her, right? Can you imagine trying to process such huge emotions at only 4 1/2 years old?!

Little Jill and I have really started to form a cool bond. She is very snuggly and seems to handle her growing love for me with ease. Jack, on the other hand, struggles with it. A LOT. Many times he'll ask me to move away (like last night when he was brushing his teeth) or demand DH or Nantie help dress him (rather than me).

My presence just plain ticks him off sometimes.

There are times when he names everyone (including the dogs) and tells me he loves them but not me. I know where it's coming from (his painful turmoil from within) but to say it doesn't hurt to hear would be a fib. On the flip side, if he wakes crying from a nightmare he comes to me for comfort. I'm not completely wicked.

I tell him time and again he can love or not love whomever he wishes. I choose to love him no matter what and I am not going anywhere.

Then I slip him an Oreo cookie for good measure.




Stella said...

The roles around our house are very similar. My husband is the fun one and is the "favorite". Grandma and Pop-pop, forget it...they are like royals to my kids. And then there's me....Mean Mommy.

I found it hard to deal with at first but there comes a point where I've gotten used to it. My mom was Mean Mommy, too, and I see our relationship now and it all makes sense and has worked out for the best.

Anonymous said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for loving those kids no matter what. You're doing such a great job and I have such respect for you.

Bren said...

I know! I know! Tell him Auntie Bren will revoke his entrance to The Magic Kingdom and Micky Mouse will kick his a** if he doesn't love you!!!


If he didn't love you, darlin', he wouldn't be reacting so strongly and be SO confused. His love is deep, it's OBVIOUS!

Snowmommy said...

Melissa, you are awesome. Keep up the good work (and Oreo's' on hand).

Angela said...

I know its not the same exact situation, but my Daughter says that a lot with my boyfriend "I love my Mom,and My dad but not you" My Daughters Father is quite active in her life, whereas my 2 boys Father is not active at all, so they don't have a Father to pin against my boyfriend. However many times she says it you know who she cuddles up with to read a book? to ask a question she wants answered? to count her money in her piggy guessed it... my boyfriend....So usually it means just the opposite, like "I dont know if/how to love you, if it means I have to share my love" Children just dont get that love knows no boundries.
I am so happy for you guys! this is an amazing experience you have shared with all of us! thank you!

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

I am so glad for Jack that he has someone to love him unconditionally through emotions a little guy like him shouldn't have to process.

We went through the same thing with my bonus son when he first came to live with us- but 10 years later he is quite the 16 year old mama's boy (and I would be the mama :-)

Parenthood For Me said...

You're such a good mama. You always know the right thing to say.

Mountain Girl said...

I'm sure little Jack's stuff is tough to take, but like anonymous said Thank you for loving that little boy no matter what! Keep those oreos around and keep on loving him! And Jill too. I don't think men understand about rules and children........


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