Sunday, February 6, 2011

Let's Dance...

For all the cute pictures and silly conversations I share, we've also had plenty of pot holes and speed bumps (errrr, craters and mountains). I believe Little Buddy's internal clock is telling him it's time to leave. Or if he acts out, they'll get to move.

But to where?

His little heart needs to know what is happening.. where they are going to be. Unfortunately, the case isn't at a place where his workers can give him a definitive answer.

For now there is no peace.

As far back as our initial training, we were taught that the kids tend to focus their hostility on the foster mom. They're angry at their own birth mothers and guess who takes the brunt?

So true.

Every previous case we've had has proven that theory correct. This one is no exception. When he's mad (ie: not getting his way) and goes to "that place" he'll go for the jugular... pulling out all the stops. From, "You're not a real mom" to "I'm packing now" and everything in between. He'll throw out whatever he thinks might hurt my feelings or get me to snap back. My best response?

Walk away.

He's used to confrontation and being disrespected. Not acknowledging or engaging totally throws him for a loop (and calms the situation.. eventually).

Sometimes it's not that easy. Biting tongue is not my forte. I'm famous for my cutting one-liners. Being disrespected is no fav, either. When the moment is right, DH will step in and let LB know his behavior will not be tolerated (trust me he straightens up real quick-like when Daddy speaks).

DH also leads by example and there's times I think LB is getting it.

Every moment here is like a dance. Some are beautiful waltzes and others, a mosh pit. You never know what's next but one thing is for sure...

I do love the two fellas on my dance card.


Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

You are absolutely handling this the right way..which doesn't make it any easier. I remember when our oldest first came to us (6 years old and very angry) and I took the brunt of it as the mom figure. Now, he is 17 and he and I are really close. God will give you the thick skin and patience you need to break through to Buddy's wounded heart.

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

for interesting tips on helping to parent traumatized kids check our my friend's videos on YouTube. She's listed under Christine Moers. We went to college together. Christine is parenting her adopted kids who have RAD. I've found some great tips for improving my own parenting skills.

Sheri said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

YOU are truly a saint!

Thank goodness for thick skin, age...and some wisdom!

Kristin said...

It must be so hard for you and little buddy. I think y'all are handling it brilliantly.

Penelope said...

I went through that as a stepmother raising a stepson. He always lashed out at me instead of his mother. He knew the truth about her and took it out on me.


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