A Christmas Call

Early last week I got a call from one of our workers. Being "on hiatus" from fostering until February (unless a huge emergency comes up) I honestly thought she was calling to wish us a Merry Christmas.. that's just how sweet she is.

I quickly realized it wasn't a social call.

She started by saying she was completely aware that the little girl they were calling us on was not a match. That being said, she had seen Jack and Jill blossom in our care and wanted us to be contacted just the same. Before handing the phone off to another worker, she gave this bit of advice, "You all need to make this decision with your heads and not your hearts..."

Holding breath..

The story told was beyond heart wrenching and in no time I was in tears. Sobbing, actually. What the poor little angel had been through was mind numbing. At 10 years old, no less. I listened carefully, took notes like mad and tried to remember to ask all the pertinent questions.

Talk about being caught off guard.

I called DH wearing my Super Hero Cape just knowing we could swoop in and save the day. I read back what I could (trying to decipher the crazy-hurried chicken scratch). Silence. And more silence. He was clearly unsure. Time was of the essence and I gave him 10 (whole) minutes to decide if we wanted to move forward with a presentation.

In the meantime I called Nantie. Remember, the three of us need to be on board.. this is a family affair. She was heart broken but unsure, as well.

By the time I called DH back he had decided it was not a good match. Much like The Call we got on the sisters in August of 2008, once again he was the voice of reason. Unfortunately, there are so many layers of issues in this case we are just not equipped to handle them all. Going into a situation like this ill-prepared is a recipe for disaster.

Dismayed, I packed my cape and called the workers back. We were one of several families contacted but I still felt great sadness. Thinking with your head just plain stinks sometimes.

I wanted to remind ya'll that this is a really tough time of year for the kiddos (and their families) in the system. Drinking and drug use typically spikes over the holidays. While we're all enjoying family and friends and creating new wonderful memories, bear in mind there is sadness and loss in our own backyards. Please keep them all in your prayers for peace, safety and comfort.

And don't forget to count your blessings.

Perfect Moment Monday

On Sunday we had the family over for Christmas brunch. Nantie whipped up an amazing meal.. an egg/hash brown casserole, bacon, sausage, freshly cut pineapple, scrumptious mini fruit bowls, croissants, mimosas .. to die for. We chatted, laughed and later enjoyed a movie together.

Although my jeans no longer fit.. it was the perfect end to a wonderful holiday weekend!

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

T'was The Day After Christmas..

.. and the house is trashed..

I was going to take pictures and but a girl has to have some pride. Trust me, it's a wreck.

We enjoyed a lovely Christmas afternoon/evening at Auntie Moo and Uncle Kiwi's.. eating way too much, hootin' and a hollerin'. It was great. Our front room is now littered with tons of presents (odd .. since we all said we weren't going to exchange gifts this year).

I will share pictures from Christmas Eve Day.. it was postcard perfect:


It was, like, 7 degrees.. I wasn't stepping out further than the open doors to take pictures..

Rusty and Maria were on high alert.. undoubtedly anticipating the arrival of St Nick (this had nothing to do with the elk, bunnies and squirrels running about, I swear!):

I personally didn't snap any pictures Christmas Day. My little digie never made it out of my purse.. weird!

I hope everyone is enjoying a wonderful holiday weekend!!

Do You Know? Listen..

Said the shepard boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know
In your palace wall mighty king
Do you know what I know
A child, a child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light

Do You Hear?

Said the little lamb to the shepard boy
Do you hear what I hear
Ringing through the sky shepard boy
Do you hear what I hear
A song, a song
High above the tree
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Do You See?

Said the night wind to the little lamb
Do you see what I see
Way up in the sky little lamb
Do you see what I see
A star, a star
Dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite
With a tail as big as a kite

It's A Sign ~ Subtlety Part 2

In my emailbox this morning ----> THERE'S STILL TIME!! <----

(.. just sayin'...)

Subtlety...

... is so not my forte....

Pushing Past The Blues

I love Christmas.. it's a magical time. It brings back nostalgic memories of years past while we enjoy making new ones. I have to admit, this year is a little rough and I'm trying to work through the sadness. The challenging moments are walking through stores and seeing the toys for children. Okay, anything "Lightning McQueen" or Disney Princess related will bring on the tears.

It makes me miss the kiddos something fierce.

I allow myself to grieve but try not to get too caught too up in it. I've kept myself busy doing positive things I enjoy like working on our Christmas cards (the first round went out a week ago--second round gets done this weekend). I've reveled in shopping for presents to send to Dad (never thought I would get to do that again, right?). A blessing in and of itself!

I have been really focused on launching MomTV's Adoption Angles. Can I just say, I have met some amazing women and am honored to have them booked as guest hosts. I'm passionate about it and my hope of hopes is that it will inspire and touch others' hearts, as well.

If I stay focused on our blessings and The Reason For The Season the blues pass. It's okay to be sad and work through feelings but it can't be allowed to overtake our lives. I am thankful the twins, Mannie and Sunshine are out there thriving and can imagine their extreme excitement on Christmas morning. Maybe next year we'll be blessed with little ones..

Let Joy Prevail!

Prayers For Shellie

A dear friend in the blogosphere, Shellie Ross lost her 2 year old son, Bryson, yesterday in a pool incident. It happened before her very eyes. I am asking you all to please hold their family and close friends up in prayer. Trish at MomDot is keeping us all updated and you can Tweet Shellie directly at @military_mom.

Normally I am one of those "let's all get along" kinda gals. I don't do drama and have been referred to as "PollyAnna". I'm stepping out of that mode for a moment to say that I am sickened by the haters that have had the audacity to personally attack Shellie during this horrific time. Everything from tweets about it being "Her Fault" to questioning the incident all together (because some moron was "unable to find a police investigation open in FL for this particular death").

SERIOUSLY??!?

I am dumbfounded and disgusted. The family is in absolute agony and for all of you evil people I personally hope you burn for your heartless comments.

Shellie, we are all thinking about you today and mourn the loss of your dear son. May the Lord watch over you and your family.

Find My Family

As many of you know, not only am I a foster mom that hopes to one day adopt, but an adoptee as well. I found out what they refer to as "late in life" (age 30) that I was an adopted county baby.

Since the premier of the show a few weeks back I've been inundated with emails and phone calls asking if I have watched and my thoughts about it. As a matter of fact, the night it premiered I had several calls from (crying) inquisitors. It really moved them. On the flip side, I've also heard the naysayers speaking out against it (there's always haters, right?) with the stand that it exploits the families.

Really?

Let me tell ya, I've beaten the bushes searching for 10 years, waiting just over 8 months to get my flimsy non-id information and had wonderful "search angels" (they work for free) try to help me along the way. With no luck. I've gotten quotes of anywhere from $700-$3500 from private investigators who all claim to be the best of the best. Did I mention there are no guarantees?

Of course not.

I believe I (and other adoptees) have the right to inquire about our linage, health history and other family information non adopted people take for granted. Perhaps even meet one blood relative and unlock a secret or two about ourselves along the way. My birth mom may have passed away and I have accepted that. She also has the right not to be found nor want to meet. I respect that. If someone from a production company wants to utilize their professionals to search and document my journey (for free) I have one thing to say:

BRING IT.

I DVR'd Find My Family but didn't watch it until this past weekend. It just hits so close to home I think it took me a while to muster the courage to view it. Silly, huh? Although my story is not nearly as compelling as those shown, it's dang relatable on so many levels...

Pass the tissues, please.

Sappy, emotional, gooey me loves the show. Host Tim Green was adopted and searched for his birth mom (okay, being a former NFL player--amongst other accomplishments-- is cool, too). Host Lisa Joyner, also an adoptee, has an adopted daughter, does a wonderful job on the show (and she's married to Jon Cryer--Duckie, ya'll! Brownie Points! lol). Seriously though, it's a lovely, feel-good show... the haters just need to move on.

Now for the million dollar question.. have I applied to be on it? Maybe.

Maybe not.

Shout Out Sunday

Here's how Shout Out Sunday works, my friends:

Choose a blog that has moved you. A daily must read. One you stalk. One that makes you laugh, cry or scream at the monitor. A new blog you would like to give exposure to. Someone you would like to introduce to your readers and send a warm fuzzy while you're at it.

Write your post, linking your chosen blog in it, grab and paste the button code below. When it's live, put the url in MckLinky (also below). Lets try to visit them and some leave some comments, m'kay?

<center><a href="http://www.ourfullcircle.com/"><img border="0" src="http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx2/myfullcircle/SAS/header_nonav-1-1-1.jpg" /></a></center>

MckLinky is open until 6am tomorrow morning..


Now for my shout out!

I have been stalking Snarky Mom at Postcards From Insanity for well over a year. She is a mommy of 4, a wife to 1 (sorry I couldn't help that), has adopted from foster care and was also a social worker in her former life. She is now a SAHM and a funny one at that. Her blog is a roller coaster of emotion.. she'll have you laughing so hard it hurts, so upset you yell at your monitor and make you burst into tears (all in the same post, mind you). Her adventures in the system were frightening and joyful. She's definitely not a run of the mill, milk and toast SAHM.. the girl is insightful and hysterical.

She can be edgy and her blog is not for the faint of heart. If you start from the beginning (which I highly recommend) you will not be disappointed. Snarky Mom is real and that's not always pretty with a bow on top.

Go surf over and check out Postcards now!

Coming Soon To MomTV ...

... ME!



"Adoption Angles" premiers January 6th, 2010 at 9pm EST!! My vision for the show is to be inspirational, informative (and FUN!). All adoption avenues will be discussed.. fost/adopt, domestic, international. I'm also going to have guests that are birth moms, social workers, nonprofits and in the behavioral field.

If adoption has touched your life (or someone you know) and you would like to be a guest on the show, please drop me a line. All you need is high speed Internet, a webcam and a 1/2 hour to chat. I have some downright amazing people that are going to be sharing their stories.. It's going to be an awesome time! Please remember to tune in! Of course, I'll be posting reminders so ya'll don't forget.

A LOT of reminders.

:o)

Yet Another Cool Update..

I got a call yesterday from Hospice. Since my trip Dad has been PUTTING ON WEIGHT! He's eating and not depressed!!! I got to "talk" to him on the phone and he was in great spirits. His wonderful nurse put up a little Xmas tree and they decorated it with ornaments (he even got a Santa hat--it's keeping his head warm and he's loving it). I'm going to put together a little care package for him and send it directly to his hospice nurse to take to him.

How cool is THAT?? Thanks for the prayers, all!! They've worked!

God is good!

Update on Jack & Jill

I heard through the grapevine our twins are doing great. Obviously we can't be given specifics but I was told that Jack is still standing up for himself. Apparently Jill tried to cut in on a conversation he was having, he showed her the hand and told her he wasn't done yet.

That's our boy!!!

When they came to us, he didn't speak much (she was the jabber jaw and even interpreted for him). He was a little doormat. Over time he came into his own and it made me cry (happy tears) to hear some of the good stuff actually stuck!

Their memories of us have surely faded. He may not even remember his former, meek self.. but we all saw him transform. Him being a healthier, happier little boy because of the time spent with us made every minute of those 8 months worth it.

Even if it did mean having our hearts broken.

Dad & Me ~ The Final Chapter

Life is not a Hallmark made for TV movie. Things don't always get wrapped up in a neat little package with everyone getting their happily ever afters. It can be messy, stressful and downright dramatic. We don't necessarily get what we want when we want it. As frustrating as that is, my faith tells me to let it go .. it's out of my hands.

No easy task for this mere, very imperfect mortal.

A month ago I started to retell the story of Daddy and me because I received a call from hospice (his caregiver at the nursing home). I was told he did not have much time left and his arrangements needed to be made soon. He's not suffering from a terminal illness but has been going downhill for sometime. Refusing to eat, he had lost weight and was depressed. It's a call I've been expecting but I don't think anyone is ever really ready for.

My heart broke.

When it's all said and done, despite the hurt caused by Dad leaving Mama and me, it's not about that. It's about a little girl that will always love her Daddy. He's the man that taught me road trips are awesome, ran beside me when my training wheels came off (shouting, "Go Baby GO!" as I blazed away on my Big Girl Bike), played catch outside until it was so dark we could barely see the ball, taught me to drive, was a pro at checkers,

Proudly showed me off on vacation


Made Christmas Magical


Indulged my love of horses and took me to lessons every Saturday morning for years


Was front and center for my First Communion


And after 7 years of cotillions waltzed with his little debutante.


I've gotten a glimpse at how our foster kiddos feel.. in most cases they see past their parents' faults and wrongdoings. No matter what your age, you never stop loving your family. It's innocent and very child-like but it is what it is. Familia.

Too weak now to be placed in a wheelchair, my once active father is completely bed ridden. He will never get the chance to feel the sun on his face, hop in the car and go to the store or even take a deep breath of fresh air. His only visitors are the lovely hospice nurses.

That kills me.

I've been asked if I felt this journey was all for not and if I regret being reunited with him after 20 years. I wasn't able to swoop in and save the day, justice has not been served (nor will it be in his lifetime). Yes, Dad pulled a massive midlife crisis, walked away from our family only to create a new one that wouldn't be there for him in the end. Did he make his own bed? Maybe. Does he deserve this?

In my book, absolutely not.

I've had the opportunity to visit him on several occasions over the past few years. I got to look him in the eye and tell him I forgive him. Although he can hardly speak, 2 weeks ago he was able to call me, "My Baby", reach out and caress my cheek. I got to see him and (in my heart) say a final, proper goodbye.

Knowing now what all went down, would I do this all again?

In a heartbeat.

I love you, Daddy. Always.

Dad & Me Revisited Part 9

Inhale...

As ya'll can imagine, the moment in the parking lot when the detective informed me the case was closed completely changed the course of my relationship with The Son. Probably forever. I didn't have to cut ties with him because he stopped calling or emailing. He knew darn well the jig was up. Having been chewed out (in a huge way) by me before he sure didn't want to face my wrath this time.

Smart kid.

Granted (remember I've harped on this before) he was only 18. Legally an adult but very much just a child. Back in good graces with a family that had deserted him, he chose himself over Dad. Self preservation.. it's a trait we all have and undoubtedly something he learned to master from She Devil.

I often wonder if, say 10 years from now, The Son will look back and realize the incredibly bad choices he made. If he will feel remorse for taking advantage of Best Friends Grandma and being so disrespectful to her. Will he think back sadly to all the times he should've visited Dad and chose not to?

I think he will and honestly, that makes me sad.

On the flipside, I firmly believe you reap what you sow. By all accounts She Devil and Lazy Husband are in for a whopper of a bumper crop. Wouldn't you all agree? It's not a matter of if but when. You can't pull the stunts like they did and walk away Scot free. They will get theirs and that is where I find peace.

Exhale? Not yet.. I've got one more thing to say..