Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Christmas Call

Early last week I got a call from one of our workers. Being "on hiatus" from fostering until February (unless a huge emergency comes up) I honestly thought she was calling to wish us a Merry Christmas.. that's just how sweet she is.

I quickly realized it wasn't a social call.

She started by saying she was completely aware that the little girl they were calling us on was not a match. That being said, she had seen Jack and Jill blossom in our care and wanted us to be contacted just the same. Before handing the phone off to another worker, she gave this bit of advice, "You all need to make this decision with your heads and not your hearts..."

Holding breath..

The story told was beyond heart wrenching and in no time I was in tears. Sobbing, actually. What the poor little angel had been through was mind numbing. At 10 years old, no less. I listened carefully, took notes like mad and tried to remember to ask all the pertinent questions.

Talk about being caught off guard.

I called DH wearing my Super Hero Cape just knowing we could swoop in and save the day. I read back what I could (trying to decipher the crazy-hurried chicken scratch). Silence. And more silence. He was clearly unsure. Time was of the essence and I gave him 10 (whole) minutes to decide if we wanted to move forward with a presentation.

In the meantime I called Nantie. Remember, the three of us need to be on board.. this is a family affair. She was heart broken but unsure, as well.

By the time I called DH back he had decided it was not a good match. Much like The Call we got on the sisters in August of 2008, once again he was the voice of reason. Unfortunately, there are so many layers of issues in this case we are just not equipped to handle them all. Going into a situation like this ill-prepared is a recipe for disaster.

Dismayed, I packed my cape and called the workers back. We were one of several families contacted but I still felt great sadness. Thinking with your head just plain stinks sometimes.

I wanted to remind ya'll that this is a really tough time of year for the kiddos (and their families) in the system. Drinking and drug use typically spikes over the holidays. While we're all enjoying family and friends and creating new wonderful memories, bear in mind there is sadness and loss in our own backyards. Please keep them all in your prayers for peace, safety and comfort.

And don't forget to count your blessings.


Mountain Girl said...

Wow, I am sure your decision was hard to make...DH has said we could explore fostering....I think we could make a difference, but it's still scary.......And we are in your same state, but further south.

Elizabeth @ TexasEbeth said...

Wowzers! What a tough call! I'm like you though, thinking with my heart, & my Hubby is my balance too. A friend is parenting adopted kids w/major issues like RAD & I have to admit I could not do it. But I pray for them daily and the other kids who need help.

Ms.Christy said...

Wow, it would be so hard to think with your head and not your heart but much needed. Love-Christy

alicia said...

Wow, can really really relate right now. Praying for your peace as you "deal" with your decision. I just had a call yesterday as well and while your head is clearly saying "absolutely NOT! why are you considering it?!" our hearts just say "come, let me hold you and tell you it will be all right" And it never fails that I feel horrible when I say no and I need to deal with my decision, and know that it truly was best for our family.
God Bless you this week!

Lavender Luz said...

Goodness. Saying a little prayer (OK, a big one) for this girl and others in the system. Thanks for the reminder about this time of year.

I know that calls like this can be heart-wrenching.

Love to you...

cloudmaster said...

When counting your blessings don't forget that the wisdom to know what is right for you and what isn't right for you is also a blessing.

Tiff said...

I can't imagine how hard that must be! You are doing such a good job with these kids, and one of the best things you can do is use your head. I'm proud of you, keep it up! And I'll be praying for that little girl, too.

Stella said...

As hard as it was, you did the very best thing possible for that little girl. You guys would have done a WONDERFUL thing for her but there was the "right" family out there for her!!
Keep strong!!

Alyson, the 3 P's Mama said...

Oh Melissa...how hard that had to be for all 3 of you! You are most certainly made of very sturdy stuff!

Listen...you probably have this book but I have a giveaway of a really great book called Success as a Foster Parent: Everything you need to know about Foster Care and I have 5 to give away and I have not even gotten a nibble. If you could let anyone know that you think might be interested, I would most certainly appreciate it!

Thanks and Happy New Year!

Chelley said...

I hate to say no!! And I hate been asked to take a child that already they know isnt a fit for our family!



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