Inhale..

Jack and Jill have been here for over 2 1/2 months now and one thing is for certain .. no two nights are ever the same. Although typically on their best behaviour and little darlings there are things that set them off. Total triggers (yes, they're being documented). Last week, for example, we had one humongous melt down (Jack, not me). It was bad. It was a rage that we likend to a purging but (thanks to our fantastic training by the county and follow up support) I recognized it for what it was and remained calm.

A feat in and of itself.

I was also very aware I was living a Super Nanny episode. No joke. For the record I would much rather sit and watch the show than lug a kicking and screeching 35 pounder onto a naughty chair for over an hour. Oh yeah, I wasn't too fond of all the toys and folded laundry thrown at me, either. Two things I learned that night: 1) Jo Jo's methods are spot on and 2) I am so out of shape it's not even funny.

Remember that big meeting I was dreading a couple weeks back? The one I hoped and prayed would get cancelled and it did due to a blizzard? It got rescheduled.. to tomorrow. DH cannot make it and I'm on my own. Prayers please!!

Did I mention my dad had a pacemaker implanted earlier this week (he's in a nursing home out of state)? I got a call tonight as we were wrapping up our soiree with three social workers that came a-callin' (a planned meeting) that he has been moving his arm around (just like he wasn't supposed to) and pulled a wire. He goes back in for surgery tomorrow.

Oy.

It has been an exhausting week (and we're only half way through). The good news is we're keeping our noses above water level (thanks to Nantie!) and hey, I guess we can't complain about is being bored, right?

Exhale..

Bring On The Blizzard

It has been a dry winter here in the foothills of CO and statewide, as well. We're way below the norm for moisture/snow for this time of year. It was 70+ degrees last weekend and everyone was running around in shorts playing outside. With the tease of spring what could that possibly set us up for?

Why, a blizzard of course!

Last night's winter storm watch is now a blizzard warning. I have no complaints other than I am taking the morning off for a meeting at DSS and will be driving in it. Not cool. Like the smart little former Girl Scout I am I did gas my car up after work yesterday (and let me mention I got $.60 off thanks to my Safeway points-- I paid $1.23 a gallon .. WOOHOO!!). We've currently got a couple of inches of white stuff on the grassy areas and it's coming down in a big way.

The one really crummy thing about fostering to adopt is that you cannot discuss the case. It's the whole privacy thing. I am bursting at the seams wishing I could tell ya'll what's going on. Instead I ask that you keep us in your prayers and good thoughts today. Honestly, I'm rather dreading it.

Secretly I hope it snows so hard we can't make it.. heehee

A Quickie Update...

I'm back to work this week but have neglected my little blog (I'm seriously running at 85%.. give or take). I've got some cool awards brags (thanks ladies!) and other things to write about but it all takes focus (and I have none). I'll get up to speed this weekend, I double dog swear.

We have some big stuff happening in the next few weeks (court and meetings) and I'm a little freaked. The kids could literally go home in the next three weeks. No joke. From what we can gather from the social workerese (IE: their smoke and mirrors jargon) we're fairly confident their mom is pulling it together and maintaining. Talk about emotions being pulled in two different directions. Compassion makes us happy for her but hey, we're human. We will be crushed if/when they go. This blog will be chock full of "whoa is me's" I guarantee it.

That's what I call a fair warning.

In the meantime, I will stand over them as they sleep and say little prayers for them. We will marvel at their angelic, sleeping faces and not take any of our time for granted. They are precious and we are so very blessed to have the honor of being a small part in their lives.

.. And I solemnly swear to try to remind myself of all that in the middle of unexplainable melt downs ..

;o)

The Rest Of The Week..

Is going to be insane.

I meet the twins today with a slew of social workers. Tomorrow they want me to spend more time with them (go to the park, McDonalds, etc) and Friday they move in. Blam-o. It's not the way a transition is supposed to go but time is of the essence.

DH and I were up until the wee hours of the morning talking. This time, even he couldn't sleep. We're excited and scared to death. It's going to be a very traumatic time for the kids and we're hoping to dig deep and do our best by them. Nantie will probably be joining us on moving day.

A year ago this Friday was the first day of our 2 day training class. My what a difference a year makes.

Please keep us in your prayers!!

A Week In Review

Although it was a jam packed week, it still felt fairly uneventful. We had our group meeting on Tuesday night and it was great to be with everyone. No speaker again so it was just talking (venting) about daily happenings. It was a real mix.. one couple had just adopted, several are in the midst of court dealings and visitations with the bio families, one got a placement a week after certification, a fost/adopt couple just had their placement (of 10 months) return home and a handful of us were waiting for The Call. There was a wide range of emotions, for sure.

Nantie actually met our new Placement Worker ("E") during training and LOVED her. E called me this week to officially introduce herself and was really nice. I'm volunteering for the Family Share Night at the beginning of next month and look forward to meeting her there. Speaking of Nantie, she has one last day of training tomorrow (an extra day has been added since we did ours) and then she'll be done. It will be interesting to hear what all when down.

That's about it.. oh yeah.. except..

TGIF!!

Gotta Vent...

At the beginning of The Big Meeting last week I was told not to worry if we decided it wasn't going to work. They reassured me we wouldn't be put on some horrible Black List out there somewhere. That actually alleviated a bit of the pressure and helped me relax. We were all on the same page and wanted what was best for all.

When DH called the social workers to tell them the placement wasn't going to work and why, they were really nice to him. They appreciated our honesty and completely understood. They advised us to call J, our placement worker, and have a few things "tweaked" in our profile. After deliberating over the girls, we decided to change a few things up and it needed to be updated.

No problemo.

I spoke with J a few days later. To my surprise (and dismay) she wasn't near as understanding as the other gals. In fact, she came off as being on the verge of ticked at us. She quizzed me on why it didn't seem right (like she already didn't know) and when I told her our reasons she dismissed them with a snippy, "Well, you know there are no cut and dry cases.. things like this are going to come up.." (as if we were being petty and overparticular).

Here's the kicker, she then proceeded to go off about how they weren't supposed to do the meeting without DH in the first place (like that was my fault). Excuse me?? Her probing and attitude caught me completely off guard and then to throw the way the meeting was held at me like that? Give me a break! I try to play nice with others but she pushed too hard. Time to push back.

I let her have it.

I stopped stammering and reiterated firmly why the case didn't sit well with us. Our reasons were completely legit and I wasn't wavering. It wasn't a decision we took lightly and I didn't appreciate her acting like we were out of line. And the meeting? Um, HELLO? I gave them the option of me going solo or rescheduling for a day when we could both come. It was their final decision how it all went down, not mine.

So, I have a feeling that fabled Black List they all laugh about really does exist and our names are at the top. As much as we want to start a family we are not going to get bullied into a placement. I have a sneaky suspicion our phone will be silent for some time, though.

The Big Meeting

DH had an emergency come up at work and was unable to attend the Big Meeting yesterday afternoon. They digitally recorded it and emailed it to me so he could listen to the whole thing (how cool is that?).

The girls pictures were darling and I was pleasantly surprised to hear they didn't have a laundry list of behavioural issues. My gut feeling was it was doable. When DH got home last night, he saw the pictures, listened to the whole meeting and then my overview of the phone call with their foster mom (she couldn't make it but we had a lovely hour long phone chat).

His gut feeling is it isn't a good match for several reasons. He had some very valid points (none of which I could counter). We need to go into this as a team and on the same page so our answer this time will be, "No".

So, it's back to waiting for The Call once again. Yes, I'm disappointed (and exhausted from anticipation) but for us to thrive as a family, it's got to be right and we have to agree.

That all being said, I'm in a really sad place today.

*Sigh*

A Great Meeting..

I'm happy to report, no speeding tickets were issued this evening and I made it with time to spare.

All the kiddos in attendance were with their fost/adopt families that are hoping to adopt them. What a wonderful group of kids. They all had a blast and it fun just to watch them having fun.

It was really cool to see a couple that we met during training in January. We all sat at the same table for those two very intense days and we really enjoyed getting to know them. They were certified in April and got their first placement a month ago (a darling little girl just shy of 2 years old). She is precious. They have a son that is 4 and they've got their hands full but are totally up for the challenge.

We had a big round table discussion (the speaker backed out) so it was a good time for everyone to chat about successes, failures and everything in between. I had nothing to contribute, of course, but they were all very kind and welcomed me into the fold.

At this point I think it's easy to lose steam and it was a total boost to meet everyone. They all reminded me to go with our gut instinct when we get "the call".. it needs to be the right situation and they will call again if we say, "No". Our training friends said no twice before getting the call on their little girl. It was a looong time before they got it and they were sure they were blacklisted. LOL.

Once we have a kiddo (or two) I have no doubt this wonderful group will be our lifeline. It's a pretty cool club. :o)

Parallel Lives Revisited?

Tomorrow night I am attending a monthly class being given by the county (my darling husband has a work related meeting so I'm flying solo). Although I am taking off an hour early from work I'll barely be making it by the seat of my pants. It's a 40 mile drive with a quickie stop by our house to care for our herd o' dogs. I will surely get stuck mercilessly behind the slowest drivers and hit every red light sequence. Road rage is more of a probability than a possibility and I will be drafting. Should be a hoot.

What I am looking forward to is the meeting itself. In attendance will be other certified fost/adopt and foster families. All are going for the required hours of independant study (we get 2 of the 3 hours needed monthly) and, I can imagine, it's a great time to learn something new, socialize and vent.

THE REALLY REALLY COOL part is that they provide child care in another part of the church during the discussion (social workers are on hand watching the kiddos). J told us that these meetings are going to be a primo opportunity not only for us to get to know the other parents but watch behaviours and meet the kids in foster care. If there is a child (or sibling group) that we are interested in, we can inquire about him/her/both.

Bottom line: I could very well be meeting our future child(ren) tomorrow night. How phenomenal and mind bending is that? I so wish DH could be there...

As per my Lilypie counter on the sidebar over yonder (--->), Tuesday will be 8 months and 2 weeks since we officially began our adoption journey. Legend has it (as per my Dear Auntie) Mama marveled that she met me just about 9 months after she and Dad started their process. She waited just like a Mommy carrying a baby waits. Could this be another case of us having parallel lives once again? I know the thought makes her smile down from Heaven. Time will tell..

The odds are good this is going to be yet another restless-can't-sleep-mind-spinning-tossing-turning kind of night.

Holy Moly

The meeting tonight with J was great (her official title is a "Family Support Specialist"). She was as down to earth as she was in training last January and put us at ease over some fears that have come up. She asked to see where our bedroom would be in relationship to the children's so she got a quickie house tour (and was pleased, I'm relieved to report). Her job is to guide us through the waiting period to placement and, once there, we're handed off to the next social worker. Bummer.. I wish she was along with us for the rest of the ride.

Our next task is supposed to be respite care which is basically us baby sitting for foster parents. It gives them a break and us a chance to see how we cope with different behaviors and ages. She said to keep our minds and hearts open to all the kiddos. Apparently it's common for couples to reconsider their initial choices after they've met the kids. It's a great opportunity for us to realize first hand our true capabilities.

There's also a discussion/support group I've signed up for that meets once a month. We get some required credit hours for attending and get to meet some of the kids in the system as well as their foster parents. I think it'll be cool and look forward to it.

Come to find out, we are the ONLY couple recently certified that is willing to take sibs. Go figure!! Basically, we're the only ones that are completely nuts. No surprise there. DH reiterated we would prefer one but will take two (if we can manage them) so we don't separate siblings. She said our phone will be ringing sooner rather than later and gave us a list of additional questions to ask when we get "The Call". Although the Text Book Order of Things is to have us do our respite care first, it doesn't always work out that way...

Bottom Line: It's Showtime!

Another Day, Another Visit

No word from J, so I'm thinking our meeting at the house tonight is still a go. I'm getting off work a weee bit early to do a quickie tidy up before she arrives. I had a nightmare she did a white glove inspection and promptly revoked our club cards.

I'm hoping after our visit they will have a firm grasp of what we think we can and can not handle and some progress can be made. I'm getting antsy (ya, I know that's hard to tell). We have 2 rooms that I would LOVE to start decorating but not knowing ages, it's impossible (somewhere between 3 and under). I'm jumping to no conclusions. We've heard time and again from people that have gone through the process and preach, "Expect the unexpected"... One lovely gal we met went into it wanting a little girl that looked like her and her husband. They fell in love with 2 older boys (brothers) of a different race and couldn't imagine life without them.

SO, another glorious day on pins and needles. I don't know why I'm so worried .. it's probably being controlled by the powers that be that have me on edge. This gets fun when? ;o)