Monday, September 8, 2008

Gotta Vent...

At the beginning of The Big Meeting last week I was told not to worry if we decided it wasn't going to work. They reassured me we wouldn't be put on some horrible Black List out there somewhere. That actually alleviated a bit of the pressure and helped me relax. We were all on the same page and wanted what was best for all.

When DH called the social workers to tell them the placement wasn't going to work and why, they were really nice to him. They appreciated our honesty and completely understood. They advised us to call J, our placement worker, and have a few things "tweaked" in our profile. After deliberating over the girls, we decided to change a few things up and it needed to be updated.

No problemo.

I spoke with J a few days later. To my surprise (and dismay) she wasn't near as understanding as the other gals. In fact, she came off as being on the verge of ticked at us. She quizzed me on why it didn't seem right (like she already didn't know) and when I told her our reasons she dismissed them with a snippy, "Well, you know there are no cut and dry cases.. things like this are going to come up.." (as if we were being petty and overparticular).

Here's the kicker, she then proceeded to go off about how they weren't supposed to do the meeting without DH in the first place (like that was my fault). Excuse me?? Her probing and attitude caught me completely off guard and then to throw the way the meeting was held at me like that? Give me a break! I try to play nice with others but she pushed too hard. Time to push back.

I let her have it.

I stopped stammering and reiterated firmly why the case didn't sit well with us. Our reasons were completely legit and I wasn't wavering. It wasn't a decision we took lightly and I didn't appreciate her acting like we were out of line. And the meeting? Um, HELLO? I gave them the option of me going solo or rescheduling for a day when we could both come. It was their final decision how it all went down, not mine.

So, I have a feeling that fabled Black List they all laugh about really does exist and our names are at the top. As much as we want to start a family we are not going to get bullied into a placement. I have a sneaky suspicion our phone will be silent for some time, though.


1 comment:

Alison said...

this is a wonderful lesson for you to learn....believe in yourself and be assertive in your decision....this will happen time and time again when you become parents. I am proud of you.


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