Sunday, March 7, 2010

Who Am I ...

... & Why Am I Here??

I've had many people ask lately exactly what our status is in the world o' foster. Enough that I thought I would address it, anyway. So, what's the deal? Are we solely foster parents? Fost/adopt? What's the scoop?

Here's the low down..

We are a certified fost/adopt family. When we started this journey, it was with the intent to adopt. From the get-go, the county was straight up that their goal is to reunify children with viable family or friends of family. They are not an adoption agency. Period.

We totally get that and agree.

But what happens when there is no viable family or friends? What if family is incarcerated or not willing to step up? That's when it ends up going to adoption. Relinquishment is not taken lightly and no stone is left unturned. We have come to realize that adoptions are few and far between (in our county, anyway).

We're asked how we can be so blasé .. why don't we freak out when things don't go "our way"? Bottom line: It's not about us.. not even in the slightest, remotest way. It's about what is best for the kids. Cases are like roller coasters and all the twists and turns can make you sick to your stomach. Thanks to our time with the twins we've learned to try to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Because the reality is she could be gone just like that.

Forever.

What never occurred to us when we had Jack and Jill is that once they left, we may never see them again. Although they now live across town, we'll most likely never cross paths. If we did, trust me, we would be a pool of tears and joy. That knowledge alone makes us really try to enjoy the moments we have with JuneBug and cherish them. To pour our love over her, keep her safe, healthy and happy.

That's our job.

Will we be devastated if and when she goes? Absolutely. Crushed beyond words? Without a doubt. However, it is not in our hands and we must trust in Him. Easy? Hardly. Necessary? Absolutely.

Because we love her.

13 comments:

SocialWrkr24/7 said...

I just love, love, LOVE that you have embraced your experience with foster care. I know it is not what you "got into this for" and that it is not easy. But thank you for opening your minds and hearts to the idea that you don't have to be a "forever family" to affect these children's lives forever. We need more people like you.

Lavender Luz said...

You are an amazing, AMAZING woman, Melissa.

Michelle said...

Beautiful post Melissa!! :) you plucked those words right out of my heart!! :)

Marsha said...

Oh how I can relate! My sentiments exactly!!!! It is incredible how infrequent adoption is in our country. Adoption, from the counties' perspectives is a last resort, and we are on the lowest rung of their totem pole. But because that is the case, the childrens' interests are at the highest end, and in our experience, we realized that our hearts have to be at risk in order to keep the kids' hearts most protected (or as much as they can be in this crazy social system!) I hope my comments didn't point to you being blase.....I saw a trust in you (with His plan) that I feel I didn't have when we were in the throws of it. My heart was too vulnerable for me to trust Him. Not something I'm proud to admit....just honest! I thought I knew best, and I couldn't understand why He would ask me to give up another baby girl after I've already buried one. Sounds so spiritually immature, I know....again, just honest. Of course, as I've always seen from Him, He gave me some explanations that I didn't deserve. He didn't have to....He just chose to....He knew I was hurting, and He blessed me with some insight. I can now see with 20/20 vision in hindsight....of course, and I should've trusted Him more instead of wrestling with Him. Now, I see what He had planned all along was immeasurably more than I could've ever hoped for or imagined.

My tail between my legs in humility yet again,

Marsha

Denver Jen said...

What a great post and a phenomenal perspective.

Ms.Christy said...

I am so thankful for you and your husband! Pouring love over children while you have them is such a gift to them! You are an angel. Love-Christy

Sara A Broers said...

So thankful for people like you! You are a special person for taking these youngsters under your wings!

Kim @ What's That Smell? said...

Wow, my heart aches at the potential you have for loss, but is overjoyed that these kids get at least some time with such a loving family.

you are truly special...

Kristin said...

You are wonderful...that is all.

cloudmaster said...

Melissa this is a great post. I certainly understand where you are coming from. By the way, enjoyed the show the other night. Hopefully I will be able to get into them again in the future.

Stella said...

Love came pretty quickly when my two children were born. It is CLEAR that love comes even before you get "The Call".

You guys are amazing.

Heather said...

You are totally one of my heroes.

Sheri said...

What a beautiful post!

You are amazing people...angels, really!

The world is a better place because of you and your dear hubby.

 

Blog Design By Sour Apple Studio © All Rights Reserved.